Constant Commentary

Thinking I will be back to daily this week because I feel like I am faltering a bit.  And while I KNOW and can FEEL that this is PMS related---  It appears knowing is not actually half the battle when you still stuff a pizza into your gob anyway. New gym pants from Lane Bryant The good: Olive Garden dressing--- basically candy. -On Friday I got up and went to the gym all on my own... all alone! And lifted weights like a beast!! -Went to Olive Garden with Jessi yesterday, and while I did have some stuff I shouldn't have, a few risotto rice balls, chicken gnocchi soup, and lots of salad (you know that dressing is terrible for you, right-- it'll full of sugar!! ), I passed on breadsticks, and I stuck to one small bowl of soup-- and I didn't finish it. Oh yeah I had a berry Sangria too ;-)  More sugar, but SO yummy! -I got some AWESOME new gym pants from Lane Bryant. I usually only shop there for bras and undies, I have never really liked the way their clothes fit.  The...

Luna looks on in the kitchen as the crazy lady takes a yoga selfie I can't believe that I am on day 30 and still going strong!  I guess since it's been a month now, I should do a little run-down of changes that I have or have not noticed. Things that have not changed.... I am still fat.  (I shouldn't say things like that, I know.... positive self talk... blah blah blah....) I still have a LOT of bags of clothes that are waiting for me to be smaller so that I can wear them. I cannot run 3 miles without walking at all. I still do not go to the gym or exercise as much as I would like to I still love Justin Bieber And One Direction. Things that HAVE changed.... I have LESS fat on my body. The button on my jeans is not standing on the ledge threatening to of jump from the pressure it's under. I can wear some of the clothes that I had not been wearing because they didn't fit properply. I can run/walk in 1 minute intervals easily for 15 minutes (and surely more than that, ...

Need to stop this day counting thing soon, it's confusing as hell! NO time yesterday to blog or take my weekly 'useless-does-not-illustrate-anything-at-all iced coffee selfie' ;-)  I actually got called in to work before I even got out of bed!!  I DID manage to hork down leftover chicken with guac from Sunday nights dinner though, so was able to start a crazy day off right!  It felt good to make myself a priority and not just throw everything out the window and eat shitty food because I am overwhelmed and busy. I was on the road all day, and did not have time or inclination to pack a lunch, so when I finally had a second to breath, I ran into a grocery store deep in the woods of Greenville, Maine, picked up a cheese stick, a bag of macadamia nuts (YUM!!!  Hadn't had those in FOREVER!!!), and a yellow pepper and munched my way back to civilization.  Again.... feeling AWESOME that I am not using the hectic-ness of my job as an excuse to derail.  I even stoppe...

Maybe blog slacking means I need less motivational tools to keep going! We managed to get our butts to the gym both days this weekend!   This morning was our Sunday morning yoga class and I LOVE LOVE LOVE IT! My main focus at the gym is liftng weights and I am loving that too!  I love feeling strong and powerful.   If we have time and I am feeling like it, I do some run/walking on the treadmill.   Instead of couch to 5k, I am alternating running and walking for 1 minute each and will build up from there.   I worked with a trainer last year and he wasn't too crazy about the couch to 5k program and recommended this instead. As far as the eating part goes, it's going great!  Yesterday Lonnie  and I went on a mini road trip.  The plan for our last stop was the grocery, but by the time we got there, we had hit a wall, hard.  There was talk of having a cheat day aND just buying some snacks, but I couldn't do it.   And I hon...

Still going string, which I honestly find rather odd.  I think retraining my brain by reminding myself that sugar is the devil is actually working.  "That Sugar Film" is really what drove this change.  And I REALLY want it to stick!  However,  after I first watched 'Supersize Me,'  I couldn't eat McDonald's for 6 months, and obviously that creeped it's way back in, and that is EASY to avoid eating.  Sugar is freaking EVERYWHERE!! The times I falter, or waiver a bit, is when cooking for the family.  For example... Tonight I am making Pot Roast.  And on the side I am making Salt and vinegar potatoes that someone posted a few weeks ago and Lonnie and I have been obsessed with trying...but haven't because they take so freaking long to cook!  My Pot Roast is fucking awesomesauce.  And the most awesome part IS the sauce aka gravy!  Flour is a no-no for me. But nor do I want to use weird low-carb chemically thickeners.  Also... ...

Last night while in bed watching umpteen episodes of 'Shameless' (DAMN YOU SHOWTIME FREE PREVIEW WEEKEND.... sucking me in and FORCING me to subscribe!), I frigged around on Pinterest looking for some low-carb snack ideas.  What did I learn?  Low carb snacks are just all stupid and boring.  -Have a handful of nuts (YEAH!!  THAT would be SO satisfying!) -Make this 18 ingredient dessert or bread made up of bizzare chemicals. (GREAT IDEA!!  Eating healthy should ALWAYS involve filling your body with lab created "food.") -There is a bizarre obsession with these things called "FAT BOMBS." The name is disgusting.  As is the premise.  It just seems SO necessary!  Like eating something just to.... eat something?  So basically my search was a waste of time.  I have no idea what "normal" people that don't eat sugar snack on.  Fruit I guess.  Dumb. Also I read an article lately extolling the evils of artificial sweetener.  Which I ha...

Today is a holiday for the kids, not for me.  So as I am on-call, I just said goodbye to them as they headed off TO THE GYM TOGETHER!! GOOD LORD I DID SOMETHING RIGHT!!! Monday selfie- coffee happened much earlier on the road! The weekend was very blah, but also very YAY!  On Saturday Lonnie was gone all day at a coughcoughgamingconventioncoughcough.  I knew that he would eat "off plan" since he was out all day, so as I drove to the grocery store I gave myself permission to also have a little treat/splurge.  I thought ALL the way there about what I have really missed and really would like and came up with NOTHING.  My old favorite sweet treats like cake... ice cream... candy.... no thanks, the thought of them just made me feel a little sick to my stomach.  (You know... like that feeling you have after eating too many pancakes and then someone offers you a cinnamon bun?)  So no sweets.  Ooooh!  How about chips?  Cheez-its (my lifelone nem...

Sometimes you just need a GODDAMN SNACK that ISN'T rendered pepperoni chips from the microwave. I talked about my standby sweet treat a few blogs ago... http://colleenisonit.blogspot.com/2016/01/day-1-1.html I still need to figure out how to deal with my salty, crunchy snack needs.  New goal for the weekend.....  Pinterest up some low carb snack ideas.  One thing I KNOW I like is cheese "crackers."  BUT.... cheese is fucking expensive and you get SO little cracker out of so much cheese!! (....not to mention all the oil that drains off it all is kinda gross but I digress) Here is a recipe , This chick bakes them in the oven, but as you should know by now.... I just make a big on in a small frying pan on the stove and break it up into little pieces.

...probably  doesn't help when I do these two for 1 bloggys. Still plugging along.  Last night we went out to dinner and Lonnie and I both sucked it up and stayed on it and were WAY high maintenance.  But I think we were nice enough, and gave a good enough tip that hopefully the waitress won't quit when she sees us walk in next time :)  Lonnie got sizzlin' fajitas with lettuce instead of tortillas to wrap them in, and I got a bunless burger and grilled asparagus.  It was all delicious, we had a great time, and didn't end our day feeling like we cheated or failed.  YAY US! Lazy, Cozy, I DON'T WANNA GET OUT OF BED selfie Where I am still struggling is the gym part.  It's SO. BITTERLY. COLD! I just can't bring myself to get dressed and to the the gym and then come out afterwards either sweaty or freshly showered---either way DOUBLE FROZEN!  I realize it's a stupid excuse.  But it's real.  And you know I love keepin' it real. Also Lonnie and...

15 steps foward and 1 step back is still 14 steps forward! I planned like a fiend for my possibly busy Monday.  I made a chopped salad and brought it with me to the office to eat before or between clients. I did NOT plan for finishing up with a client that took 4 hours, and then being sent in a 'no-time-to-sit-and-eat-your-salad' rush to meet with a bunch more clients at a hospital an hour away. So I left my salad in the fridge for today.   And I got Mcdonald's.  I could easily have made a better choice by picking up some nuts and fruit or veggies at the store and munching those in the car on the way to Dover.  I could have even still made a reasonable choice at McDonald's and kept the carbs low by getting an Egg Mcmuffins and not eating the muffin part, but I didn't do that either.  I got my favorite #2 with the cheesburgers plain.  And it was delicious!  HOWEVER.... I then let it open the floodgates because once at the hospital, one of the docto...

Running at the gym... back to the beginning of Couch to 5k Yoga mat LOCKED AND LOADED What a great weekend! We actually got our asses to the gym BOTH days, and this morning got up early to get to Yoga by 9:15.  Yoga for fat people is just.... well... it's something.  Fortunately, I am very bendy, so my frustration when the chub gets in the way gets cancelled out by my competitive nature, "HA!  Yeah I'm fat, but I can touch the floor with my forward fold so HA!"  I totally fell on my ass trying to do one legged balancing pose because I have zero balance and it. was. HYSTERICAL! We even went to the movies today and ate a healthy, late, protein-packed, breakfast Fritatta before leaving, passed on the moviesnacks and ordered our favorite grilled chicken salads to pick up on the way home.  I did "splurge" a little and did not pick out my croutons, but I DID skip the included pita bread that I usually use to scrape up every last bit of their magical basil vinaigr...

I got on the scale this morning.  Since I haven't been on the scale in a couple months, I have no idea how much I have lost since I started doing this, but I DO know that the number was lower than it was when I was on the scale a couple months ago, so YAY!  I try very hard to stay away from the scale altogether.  I read a book once that talked about being a slave to the scale, and it is SO TRUE.  I could be "ON IT" and feeling great, clothes fitting right, then get on the scale and see a number that is upsetting and BOOM.... no longer feeling great.  Because of a tiny electronic box.  My 20 year old daughter has NO idea what she weighs except when she goes to the doctor.  She thinks scales are stupid.  She just lives her life and eats normally, stops when she is full, and eats what she wants.  I am SO THANKFUL every day that I was able to raise her this way and not pass down my issues.  I worked hard to not ever limit food or make food a...

Well I was a bit lazy today,  but sticking to keeping the sugar down.   I was hankering for something sweet,  so I made one of my old standby concoctions that I use when low-carbing.   Whipping cream with a squirt of my sugar free vanilla sweetener,  drizzled with 2 tablespoons of melted (in the microwave with a little of the cream to make a ganache) semisweet chocolate chips,  and sprinkled with pecans.   Obviously this is an occasional indulgence,  but still a better choice for me than the crap I usually eat. I actually ALMOST ran today and then foolishly decided to wait til Sean got home and I was going to make him go with me.  ...between my urge to run in 39 degrees and Seans school bus arrival,  the urge disappeared.

I actually made it to the gym today!   I was lifting heavy and feeling like a beast. Aaaaaaaand then within 10 minutes of each other,  two beautiful young,  toned girls showed up.   And they meant business.   I mean the full on 'this weighs 3 times what I do weight dropping on the floor with a giant crash each time' business. I totally let it get to me and all I wanted to do was finish up my set as fast as I could and get the fuck outta there.   UGH!    SO NOT COOL OF ME!  :::::sigh:::::%

I have been doing lots of blogging over on my other blog.  I am using that other blog as a motivational journal to stay on track of eating healthy and exercising.  (Ok.... it hasn't worked so far to get me to exercise, but it will, I'm sure!!) http://colleenisonit.blogspot.com/ As I type this, I kind of wonder why I chose to separate out my never-ending-quest-to-be-less-fat from my blog of regular life....  I mean this IS my life.  I think it's because I am thinking of the other blog more like a journal and am really trying to blog daily and didn't want to bog down this blog with that minutia.  But that doesn't really make sense, does it? Now I am thinking about making tabs. Well, whatever I decide to do, if you would like to follow my current stand, click that picture up there!

Not a lot to say today!  Still doing well.  Lonnie and Sean managed to hit the gym yesterday, but I was on-call, so I didn't go.  I should have.  I could have easily walked on the treadmill or lifted weights and left if I got called in... actually since the gym is in Bangor, I am closer to wherever I get called to... lesson learned! On another note I need to figure out how to fix the giant-ass banner of this blog.

My weekly Monday morning iced-coffee photo that really illustrates nothing...lol I have a love/hate relationship with Mondays.  I enjoy my job, and Mondays are usually a day where I get to do the stuff I enjoy doing at work (as opposed to my overnight shifts where sometimes I have to do things that I were prefer not to do).  So I look forward to Mondays.  BUT... like anyone else, I hate when the weekend ends! "Sticking to it" this weekend went GREAT!  I had a 1/2 cup of rice in my taco bowl, and we put a little honey in our coconut shrimp batter, but all of those are still whole foods, and we kept it to a minimum, so YAY US!  In the past, we have always had a "cheat day."  This time, since my current goal was is just stick to this for a month, I decided on no cheat days.  This was a little scary.  But you know what I have learned.  Cheat days are BULLSHIT.   Cheat days are just terrible.   Cheat days are wrong.  ...

OOPS  I didn't journal yesterday! But fear not. This I haven't quit or fallen off the wagon or anything.  I was just BUSY!!!  Busy NOT going to the gym as planned. And it's football day today, so it's not happening today either :) After a loooooooong day of visiting with family and then shopping.  I made DELICIOUS chicken bowls.  We had planned on going to Chipotle, but the mall area was crazy and we were all beat. So I turned my kitchen into an even better Chipotle!  SO GOOD!!!!  Today is football food day. We have the stuff to make veggies and dip and coconut shrimp, and I am getting hungry just thinking about it!!! Maybe I will have a piece of the delicious frittata that Lonnie made yesterday to tie me over :)  BTW.... FRITTATAS ARE SO INTO THE ROTATION!!

SLEEPY!  I have had probably the WORST work week I have had since becoming a crisis worker, but yet, I woke up today from sleeping after yet another  up-all-night shift feeling fantastic. I feel lighter, have more energy, and feel more mentally in control of things.  LOVES IT! I went into my shift prepared and armed with a snack of rendered pepperoni chips and cheese.  I actually didn't get a headache like I usually do on night shifts.  Did still have nausea when the hardcore sleep deprivation kicked in. Still haven't made it to the gym and that is driving me bonkers.  Couldn't have gone today anyway because they closed early and I had to sleep.  Lonnie and I plan to go tomorrow.  That place will be a shit show with all the New Year's Resolutioners! Fun low carb research today!  Football snacks.... http://lowcarbdiets.about.com/od/lowcarbholidaymenus/a/locarbsuperbowl.htm I think we are going with coconut shrimp and veggies and dip....

When I wasn't working and doing fun stuff, I spent a good part of 2015 going back and forth about grad school.  I even applied to a couple.  But ultimately decided that I just don't feel right adding to my already enormously high student loan mountain of debt.  ...that is already growing since I am helping Jessi pay for college.... and interest of course.  I would love to get my Master's.  I LOVE school and I would also love to be more marketable once we starting planning our move from Maine, and I have the time for it with the job I have now.  So if I could just win the lottery......    I have few regrets in life as everything I have lived through has made me the bucket of awesomesauce that I am today,  but I definitely regret spending all that money and time going to Husson University to get my teaching credentials.  I could have my graduate degree, and instead I have nothing since I didn't finish the program by doing student ...