Constant Commentary

Today is day 21 of my 21-day challenge. I consider it a resounding success even though I did not "GO HARD AND CLEAN" every day.  I have made serious progress towards fitness. I haven't had soda in over three weeks and I DO NOT MISS it anymore! I am making exercise a priority more often than not. Day One of t25, I thought I was going to die.  Today.... I felt sweaty, and hot, and it was hard, but NO DYING!! I have more energy I am making small good food choices all day long rather than being "all or nothing."  This is huge for me.  If I have something "bad,"  it's fine, it's called LIVING.  I just have something good next time I am hungry.  No more... "Well I ate that cookie, so THIS DAY/WEEK/MONTH is blown, may as well eat ALL THE THINGS!" I am drinking WATER.  Like.... ON PURPOSE!!  And I don't hate it! Since I did so well with this challenge, even though I often half-assed it and did not give it my all.  I have joi...

While I don't plan to count the days like I did last time.  Today is day 4.  It's been tough to get back into it.  Sugar does NOT fuck around.  It knows how to find you in your weakest moments and just whisper sweet nothings in your ear. I am still shocked that I didn't give in to my sweet devil on Tuesday.  I had a long, crazy shift, with no time to eat.  When I finished up with what I hoped would be my last client at 9pm, I dreaded going home and having to prepare something for supper.  I{ was STARVING, to the point of being shaky and irrational.  So I used a lifeline.  I called Lonnie and talked to him on the phone because I knew if  I was talking to him when I passed McDonald's, I wouldn't pull in.  It WORKED!  Not only did it work, but I felt empowered enough to take the time to stop at the grocery store and pick up some salad stuff.  ( I LOVE salad!!! ---no sarcasm!  I LOVE IT!) When I got home, I was all ...

As I filled many little fake plastic eggs for my way-too-old-for-this children (one of which is 20), it was not lost on me that perhaps since I know that sugar is poison and really has no place in a healthy lifestyle, that I should not feed copious amounts of it to my kids on holidays.  Particularly since my son definitely has a penchant to overdo.  We recently stopped buying cereal after numerous warnings to him about the 1/4-1/2 cup of sugar we kept catching him adding to it.  I have no illusions that at 14 years old, I am going to convince him to not eat sugar all the time.  But I CAN control what he eats at home with us! As I filled many little fake plastic eggs for my way-too-old-for-this children (one of which is 20), I had SEVERAL moments of weakness.  The first of which was at Target when I was going to get the kids Peeps for their baskets with the sole purpose of my getting to eat some.  The Peeps stayed in the cart for about 3 minutes and then wen...

Normally when I disappear from the blog, that means I have fallen into a bucket of sugar.  But not this time!  I have found that with all the writing I am doing for grad school, my writing itch gets plenty of scratchin'!  I celebrated my 42nd birthday on Saturday and I celebrated it with lots of love from family and friends and some super awesome presents, but NO CAKE or ICE CREAM!  I didn't even want it.  I know that having that stuff will just make me want more and more of it, and I also know that it will make me feel like crap mentally and physically, so I skipped it.  Yes it felt weird.  No I didn't feel like I was missing out.  Instead Lonnie and I spent the afternoon in the kitchen making my FAVORITE spicy chicken Mexican bowls with homemade guac, and because it was my birthday and I am not a masochist, I even had some rice in my bowl.  (ACTUALLY I am reading a great book called 'Paleo Takeout' and I learned that there is cons...

Luna looks on in the kitchen as the crazy lady takes a yoga selfie I can't believe that I am on day 30 and still going strong!  I guess since it's been a month now, I should do a little run-down of changes that I have or have not noticed. Things that have not changed.... I am still fat.  (I shouldn't say things like that, I know.... positive self talk... blah blah blah....) I still have a LOT of bags of clothes that are waiting for me to be smaller so that I can wear them. I cannot run 3 miles without walking at all. I still do not go to the gym or exercise as much as I would like to I still love Justin Bieber And One Direction. Things that HAVE changed.... I have LESS fat on my body. The button on my jeans is not standing on the ledge threatening to of jump from the pressure it's under. I can wear some of the clothes that I had not been wearing because they didn't fit properply. I can run/walk in 1 minute intervals easily for 15 minutes (and surely more than that, ...

Running at the gym... back to the beginning of Couch to 5k Yoga mat LOCKED AND LOADED What a great weekend! We actually got our asses to the gym BOTH days, and this morning got up early to get to Yoga by 9:15.  Yoga for fat people is just.... well... it's something.  Fortunately, I am very bendy, so my frustration when the chub gets in the way gets cancelled out by my competitive nature, "HA!  Yeah I'm fat, but I can touch the floor with my forward fold so HA!"  I totally fell on my ass trying to do one legged balancing pose because I have zero balance and it. was. HYSTERICAL! We even went to the movies today and ate a healthy, late, protein-packed, breakfast Fritatta before leaving, passed on the moviesnacks and ordered our favorite grilled chicken salads to pick up on the way home.  I did "splurge" a little and did not pick out my croutons, but I DID skip the included pita bread that I usually use to scrape up every last bit of their magical basil vinaigr...

I got on the scale this morning.  Since I haven't been on the scale in a couple months, I have no idea how much I have lost since I started doing this, but I DO know that the number was lower than it was when I was on the scale a couple months ago, so YAY!  I try very hard to stay away from the scale altogether.  I read a book once that talked about being a slave to the scale, and it is SO TRUE.  I could be "ON IT" and feeling great, clothes fitting right, then get on the scale and see a number that is upsetting and BOOM.... no longer feeling great.  Because of a tiny electronic box.  My 20 year old daughter has NO idea what she weighs except when she goes to the doctor.  She thinks scales are stupid.  She just lives her life and eats normally, stops when she is full, and eats what she wants.  I am SO THANKFUL every day that I was able to raise her this way and not pass down my issues.  I worked hard to not ever limit food or make food a...

I actually made it to the gym today!   I was lifting heavy and feeling like a beast. Aaaaaaaand then within 10 minutes of each other,  two beautiful young,  toned girls showed up.   And they meant business.   I mean the full on 'this weighs 3 times what I do weight dropping on the floor with a giant crash each time' business. I totally let it get to me and all I wanted to do was finish up my set as fast as I could and get the fuck outta there.   UGH!    SO NOT COOL OF ME!  :::::sigh:::::%