Constant Commentary

So dusty.....  Time to clean it up and face reality.  Today I read a post on Emily Nolan's blog about her decision to lose weight.  This decision is huge because she is a large part of the 'body-acceptance-love-the-skin-you're-in' movement.  I don't know her entire life history or anything, but I think she is a plus-sized model.  (Ok... maybe my mind just has her grouped in with Ashley Graham, Danika Brysha and assume she is also a model? ...but I DO know that she was doing something with Lululemon at some point, so I think I am right. ---hey...there is no research team here at Constant Commentary!)   The backlash on these 'not size 0' ladies when they lose weight is absolutely disgusting , but.... I get it.  I would never SAY the horrible things that I see people say on their insta-blog-tweet-fbs, but I get it. As I read her post today, I was annoyed at her talking about her focus on the numbers on the scale and at the same time trying to sa...

Some snaps from the 21-day challenge that I just SLAYED AND TOOK NO PRISONERS!!! On June 27th I went to the doctor because I was a sicky-sicky and concerned about possible Lyme disease.  Not only was the number on the scale was no bueno, but I also had high blood pressure, which has never been an issue for me (except when I was pregnant).  She suspected that the HBP was due to illness, but said, "Well when we make your appointment for your yearly physical, we will want to check that again and possibly need to start treating it."  We all know what that means. Drugs.  No, thank you. I had already been exercising, and trying (<--note the word trying) to eat right, but I left at appointment feeling the need to kick things into gear and get into shape.  Part of my daily motivation was the August 25th appointment for a physical.  I daydream about going in and having a much better scale number and a normal blood pressure.  I daydream about the doctor...

So I finished another 3 week challenge.  I did not finish very strong, kinda let the ole PMS derail things.  I also have been under-the-weather the past few days with either the flu or lyme disease. Fantastic. ANYWAY.... I am still off soda.  I don't even miss it anymore. I am am loving water! I am starting to actually enjoy exercise again... (well except for the past couple days) BUT.... I went to the doctor today (see above), and got weighed.  It was bad. Really bad. Makes me feel like all these great changes have been for nothing and that sucks.  It's not like I don't know why though.  I have been eating a lot of shit.  That dam convenience store down the road is the bane of my existence.  Especially since I am Mrs. Eatsmyfeelings and I am having a lot of feelings to eat lately! My plan.  Give myself a break until Jessi heads to Richmond at the end of the week, then it's FUCKING ON!  NO more convenience store. Continuing...

Today is day 21 of my 21-day challenge. I consider it a resounding success even though I did not "GO HARD AND CLEAN" every day.  I have made serious progress towards fitness. I haven't had soda in over three weeks and I DO NOT MISS it anymore! I am making exercise a priority more often than not. Day One of t25, I thought I was going to die.  Today.... I felt sweaty, and hot, and it was hard, but NO DYING!! I have more energy I am making small good food choices all day long rather than being "all or nothing."  This is huge for me.  If I have something "bad,"  it's fine, it's called LIVING.  I just have something good next time I am hungry.  No more... "Well I ate that cookie, so THIS DAY/WEEK/MONTH is blown, may as well eat ALL THE THINGS!" I am drinking WATER.  Like.... ON PURPOSE!!  And I don't hate it! Since I did so well with this challenge, even though I often half-assed it and did not give it my all.  I have joi...

This week's "selfie" that actually DOES illustrate something!     Plan:   Hop out of bed at 9am and go for a nice brisk hour-long walk with Luna Reality: Wake up at 9...ish.  Lay in bed until 10 frigging around with my tablet and waffling back-and-forth about whether or not to walk. "If I go at 930, I still have time to walk and get back to get ready for work at noon." "I could just start tomorrow."   "Even if I go at 10, I still have time."   "If I went at 10:30, I could still get in a half-hour walk.  Maybe I should start there anyway since I am so out-of-shape?" Sean no likey the selfies ;-) Then I thought about the last line of yesterday's blog.  "50 pounds to go!"  I don't want next Sunday's blog to still say, "50 pounds to go!"  So I JUMPED out of bed before I could change my mind again. THIS is why I blog. I was GREATLY rewarded for not being a lazy fat-ass.  Sean is on s...

We have an exciting new trip on the very distant horizon.  We are all super excited about it!!  And then..... WA WA WAAAAA I start researching our little mini-trip adventures and one of the ones that I am most excited about has a weight limit.  And I am 50 pounds over.  That is a lot of weight to lose.  FORTUNATELY, I have eleven months to do it.  UNFORTUNATELY, based on past experience, I lack confidence that I can do this. I took the weekend to wallow in self-pity.  Then we went for a walk in the city forest, and I realized just how out-of-shape I am, and so then I wallowed in self-pity some more.  Not quite done with the wallowing, but tomorrow I plan to SPRING out of bed and get a good walk in before work.  Putting couch25k on the back-burner for now and am just going to walk walk walk walk walk walk........ 50 pounds to go......

Last week I heard a Dr. Laura call from a woman who was unable to make decisions or choices.  After much discussion it was established that "So you lost your childhood and now you are trying to get it back every day by not making decisions and forcing other's to make decisions for you.  'Child' you didn't feel protected and cared for, and 'adult' you is making up for it by forcing others to care for you.... make decisions for you, basically treat you like the child that you never got to be."  My mind was 3/4s blown, with parallels still running through my mind almost a week later. The FULL BLOW came while Lonnie and I were shopping at BJs (haha!).  I noticed the iced tea drink mix stuff and confessed to Lonnie that as a kid I used to sneak into the kitchen put some of the powder in a cup, make a paste out of it with water, and take it back up to my room and slowly savor revel in the joy of every little spoonful.  My mouth is actually...

Photoshop Style Tattoos Yup.  The title says it all.  I am completely obsessed with tattoos.  It's a good thing they are expensive.  It's also a good thing I have had some limits set by my husband... "I love girls with tattoos, but I would prefer my wife to not look she's part of the Yakuza."  I definitely have a few more before I reach that level ;-) I'm going to visit my mom and brother in Nashville in November and while down there my little bro and I are planning to get some new ink.  WOOO HOOO!! So obsession is cranked into full gear because I can't decide if I want to get something on my other shoulder, upper arm/shoulder cap, OR I am leaning VERY heavily towards turning my roadrunner tattoo into a collage piece.  I LOVE the photoshop style tattoos.   I actually had planned to do it ages ago before I even know there WAS a name to the style. And keepin' it real... as I always do.  I am a LITTLE SCARED of getting something on m...

Boston aquarium and an excuse to show of my man's sexy arm ;-) It happens.  September arrived, and with it a flurry of activity and emotions.  We started our new fall work schedules (a new schedule that  I LOVE, but was a big change nonetheless), Jessi headed back to UMaine, Sean started 8th grade, Mom came for a surprise visit, we went on our long-awaited long weekend to Boston........ etc etc etc..... All were WONDERFUL excuses to not count points and stick to Weight Watchers.  I CAN proudly say that I have continued to exercise!  Yay me! But now I am at a crossroads of sorts.  I am not feeling WW at all.  I have considered going back to low-carb for awhile.  But honestly.... as of this moment.  I am just feeling sticking to exercise and trying to be more mindful about what I stuff in my face and why I am doing said stuffing. Speaking of WHY....  Nicole (bff) and I were talking about all my yearly autumn drama Nicole: Why AR...

Usually when I have not blogged in a bit, it's because I have fallen off the wagon and just don't want to face that in font.  Today I come back to blogging after a little break still fully entrenched in my weight loss endeavor.  I have even started running again.  Lonnie and I are fast tracking ourselves through Couch to 5k.  We are and doing three run days in a row (which is week in the program), then taking a one day break, then starting another 3 days.  I assume we will hit a road block around week 5 or 6 where we will need to repeat some days, but maybe not!  It's going well, and even though we are in the midst of a stifling heat/humidity wave, I have been able to easily complete the run segments.  This is not to say I am skipping out there with a giant smile on my face though  ;-)    This summer has been a GIANT exercise in self-control and learning to find outlets for my emotions that don't involve snacks.   We ...

My life long enemy. I want it and I want it now and if I can't have it now that I don't fucking want it I want something else instead. Yes, I am a 2 year old pirate in a 41 year old body. I tend to embrace most of my "faults" and don't try to change them because they are part of who I am, and I like me!  But this one... this inability to wait for things... is something that I need to work on if I want to like me EVEN MORE! Weight Watchers has been a HUGE lesson in this.  Many days I feel like it is not working.  This is completely asinine as I have lost weight every week except one (and that one I can blame on hormones!).  This morning was my seventh weigh-in and as of today I have lost 14 pounds.  That is not, "not working."  That is 'slow and steady wins the race.'  I hate 'slow and steady wins the race.'  I like "GO GO GO aaaaaaannnnnnnd DONE!!!" Running... another lesson.  I love me some running.  I feel awesom...

Congratulations on being a judgmental bitch? So... I read this article today "The Massive Fitness Trend That's Not Actually Healthy at All"   (Not exactly the best title ever since it really tells you nothing about what the article is actually going to talk about, but I clicked it anyway) I think I  would have called it, "Bad Ass or Bust."  I related SO HARD to this article.  SO. HARD.  I am CONSTANTLY wanting to "Be a runner."  "Be a Crossfitter."  "Be an MMA fighter." However since those are very intense things to train for, and I am not a very intense person, instead I do nothing.  Or to me what feels like nothing.  There is a part of me that feels like a loser when I just swim, lift weights a little, and do Zumba.  I feel like those things I just listed.... those things that I enjoy, and actually DO.... don't matter.  They don't matter because I don't look or feel like this when I am done.   Um, HELLO!? ...

What a waste I trying to learn to teach my brain, belly, and mouth to slow their roll.  Settle down.  Be happy with less. I also know that I must keep all three happy while doing so, or there will be a REVOLUTION! It's a delicate balance. Yesterday Lonnie, Jessi, the pups and I had a simply marvelous day on the coast.  We beached.  We laked.  We downtown Bar Harbored.  Before we left, Lonnie and I even made going for a run a priority.  Yay us! Jessi and I doing some sick cheerleader moves at Long Pond As I knew I had plenty of activity points for the day, and I hadn't eaten much, I decided that this day deserved to be topped off with a little ice cream!   .....then I saw the adorable little cupcake shop with case full of beautiful, delicious looking cupcakes of happiness.  ( as an aside.... I have been obsessed with cupcakes lately anyway because I have been watching 'Cupcake Wars' on netflix... which honestly, may...

I have lost 2.6 pounds since I started Weight Watchers.  Woo Fucking Hoo.  In the past when I have started a diet, the first week was the BEST!!  I would lose 5-7 pounds right out the gate and it would have me SINGING!! Apparently once you are "fortysomething" that is no longer a thing.  Here is what I am telling myself.... "HEY!!  This is WAY better!  I am taking this seriously and working hard and not cheating at all.  This slow steady weight loss is exactly what you need for several reasons. 1.  You need to take it slow to give you time to learn HOW TO EAT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON.  To eat normally even when you are bored, sad, excited, nervous, bored, bored, or bored. 2.  Slower weight loss hopefully means no loose skin.  That shit is nasty.  And I have no secret skin surgery bank account, nor is some celebrity going to pop out of my wall and offer to pay for it. 3. You are treating this time differently.  ...