Constant Commentary

Some snaps from the 21-day challenge that I just SLAYED AND TOOK NO PRISONERS!!! On June 27th I went to the doctor because I was a sicky-sicky and concerned about possible Lyme disease.  Not only was the number on the scale was no bueno, but I also had high blood pressure, which has never been an issue for me (except when I was pregnant).  She suspected that the HBP was due to illness, but said, "Well when we make your appointment for your yearly physical, we will want to check that again and possibly need to start treating it."  We all know what that means. Drugs.  No, thank you. I had already been exercising, and trying (<--note the word trying) to eat right, but I left at appointment feeling the need to kick things into gear and get into shape.  Part of my daily motivation was the August 25th appointment for a physical.  I daydream about going in and having a much better scale number and a normal blood pressure.  I daydream about the doctor...

As I watch the second of our 2 cars being hauled off by a tow truck--both this morning, I thought myself, "WELL FUCK JULY SO FAR!"  Then I remembered my mom saying in an email the other day, "Blog, girl, blog.  It's cheaper than psychotherapy " So... July started with my baby moving 12 hours away, and not-at-all in the way we had planned.  The plan was to load her and her friend up in a moving truck, and wave goodbye as they drove off into the horizon.  Then her friend decided she couldn't go for 2 more weeks, which threw Jessi (and the rest of us) in turmoil over whether or not to go or wait.  From a place of strength and determination, and despite being terrified,  Jessi decided just to go on her own.  ....which was great except we had to figure out how to get her, and at least SOME of her stuff there. After lots of discussion, we ended up buying her a plane ticket from Boston.  We would drive her down, stay one night down there with her, pu...

So I finished another 3 week challenge.  I did not finish very strong, kinda let the ole PMS derail things.  I also have been under-the-weather the past few days with either the flu or lyme disease. Fantastic. ANYWAY.... I am still off soda.  I don't even miss it anymore. I am am loving water! I am starting to actually enjoy exercise again... (well except for the past couple days) BUT.... I went to the doctor today (see above), and got weighed.  It was bad. Really bad. Makes me feel like all these great changes have been for nothing and that sucks.  It's not like I don't know why though.  I have been eating a lot of shit.  That dam convenience store down the road is the bane of my existence.  Especially since I am Mrs. Eatsmyfeelings and I am having a lot of feelings to eat lately! My plan.  Give myself a break until Jessi heads to Richmond at the end of the week, then it's FUCKING ON!  NO more convenience store. Continuing...

Today is day 21 of my 21-day challenge. I consider it a resounding success even though I did not "GO HARD AND CLEAN" every day.  I have made serious progress towards fitness. I haven't had soda in over three weeks and I DO NOT MISS it anymore! I am making exercise a priority more often than not. Day One of t25, I thought I was going to die.  Today.... I felt sweaty, and hot, and it was hard, but NO DYING!! I have more energy I am making small good food choices all day long rather than being "all or nothing."  This is huge for me.  If I have something "bad,"  it's fine, it's called LIVING.  I just have something good next time I am hungry.  No more... "Well I ate that cookie, so THIS DAY/WEEK/MONTH is blown, may as well eat ALL THE THINGS!" I am drinking WATER.  Like.... ON PURPOSE!!  And I don't hate it! Since I did so well with this challenge, even though I often half-assed it and did not give it my all.  I have joi...

We have an exciting new trip on the very distant horizon.  We are all super excited about it!!  And then..... WA WA WAAAAA I start researching our little mini-trip adventures and one of the ones that I am most excited about has a weight limit.  And I am 50 pounds over.  That is a lot of weight to lose.  FORTUNATELY, I have eleven months to do it.  UNFORTUNATELY, based on past experience, I lack confidence that I can do this. I took the weekend to wallow in self-pity.  Then we went for a walk in the city forest, and I realized just how out-of-shape I am, and so then I wallowed in self-pity some more.  Not quite done with the wallowing, but tomorrow I plan to SPRING out of bed and get a good walk in before work.  Putting couch25k on the back-burner for now and am just going to walk walk walk walk walk walk........ 50 pounds to go......

I have been doing lots of blogging over on my other blog.  I am using that other blog as a motivational journal to stay on track of eating healthy and exercising.  (Ok.... it hasn't worked so far to get me to exercise, but it will, I'm sure!!) http://colleenisonit.blogspot.com/ As I type this, I kind of wonder why I chose to separate out my never-ending-quest-to-be-less-fat from my blog of regular life....  I mean this IS my life.  I think it's because I am thinking of the other blog more like a journal and am really trying to blog daily and didn't want to bog down this blog with that minutia.  But that doesn't really make sense, does it? Now I am thinking about making tabs. Well, whatever I decide to do, if you would like to follow my current stand, click that picture up there!

When I wasn't working and doing fun stuff, I spent a good part of 2015 going back and forth about grad school.  I even applied to a couple.  But ultimately decided that I just don't feel right adding to my already enormously high student loan mountain of debt.  ...that is already growing since I am helping Jessi pay for college.... and interest of course.  I would love to get my Master's.  I LOVE school and I would also love to be more marketable once we starting planning our move from Maine, and I have the time for it with the job I have now.  So if I could just win the lottery......    I have few regrets in life as everything I have lived through has made me the bucket of awesomesauce that I am today,  but I definitely regret spending all that money and time going to Husson University to get my teaching credentials.  I could have my graduate degree, and instead I have nothing since I didn't finish the program by doing student ...

Last week I heard a Dr. Laura call from a woman who was unable to make decisions or choices.  After much discussion it was established that "So you lost your childhood and now you are trying to get it back every day by not making decisions and forcing other's to make decisions for you.  'Child' you didn't feel protected and cared for, and 'adult' you is making up for it by forcing others to care for you.... make decisions for you, basically treat you like the child that you never got to be."  My mind was 3/4s blown, with parallels still running through my mind almost a week later. The FULL BLOW came while Lonnie and I were shopping at BJs (haha!).  I noticed the iced tea drink mix stuff and confessed to Lonnie that as a kid I used to sneak into the kitchen put some of the powder in a cup, make a paste out of it with water, and take it back up to my room and slowly savor revel in the joy of every little spoonful.  My mouth is actually...

Boston aquarium and an excuse to show of my man's sexy arm ;-) It happens.  September arrived, and with it a flurry of activity and emotions.  We started our new fall work schedules (a new schedule that  I LOVE, but was a big change nonetheless), Jessi headed back to UMaine, Sean started 8th grade, Mom came for a surprise visit, we went on our long-awaited long weekend to Boston........ etc etc etc..... All were WONDERFUL excuses to not count points and stick to Weight Watchers.  I CAN proudly say that I have continued to exercise!  Yay me! But now I am at a crossroads of sorts.  I am not feeling WW at all.  I have considered going back to low-carb for awhile.  But honestly.... as of this moment.  I am just feeling sticking to exercise and trying to be more mindful about what I stuff in my face and why I am doing said stuffing. Speaking of WHY....  Nicole (bff) and I were talking about all my yearly autumn drama Nicole: Why AR...

Usually when I have not blogged in a bit, it's because I have fallen off the wagon and just don't want to face that in font.  Today I come back to blogging after a little break still fully entrenched in my weight loss endeavor.  I have even started running again.  Lonnie and I are fast tracking ourselves through Couch to 5k.  We are and doing three run days in a row (which is week in the program), then taking a one day break, then starting another 3 days.  I assume we will hit a road block around week 5 or 6 where we will need to repeat some days, but maybe not!  It's going well, and even though we are in the midst of a stifling heat/humidity wave, I have been able to easily complete the run segments.  This is not to say I am skipping out there with a giant smile on my face though  ;-)    This summer has been a GIANT exercise in self-control and learning to find outlets for my emotions that don't involve snacks.   We ...

Still plugging along.  Can't say I am loving it.  And honestly, 3/4s of the time I don't feel like I am accomplishing anything at all.  Ok maybe half the time.  It's just happening soooo slowly and I don't feel like I am seeing the results that I should be since I have NEVER gone over my points for the week.  Ever. This is not to say I am working my butt off, because I am not.   I have not really been exercising very much.  Today I tried to jump back on the horse and took Luna for a nice longish walk.  Last week I challenged a friend to daily arm workouts, and I did it the day I initiated the challenge and that's it.  LOL Why don't I exercise?  Well...  here's my list of stupid excuses....  1. I am lazy. 2. It's summer and I would rather go to the beach. 3.  It's fucking hot and even more fucking humid and I hate that shit. 4.  Waiting for Lonnie to get home and then driving to the gym and working out an...

My life long enemy. I want it and I want it now and if I can't have it now that I don't fucking want it I want something else instead. Yes, I am a 2 year old pirate in a 41 year old body. I tend to embrace most of my "faults" and don't try to change them because they are part of who I am, and I like me!  But this one... this inability to wait for things... is something that I need to work on if I want to like me EVEN MORE! Weight Watchers has been a HUGE lesson in this.  Many days I feel like it is not working.  This is completely asinine as I have lost weight every week except one (and that one I can blame on hormones!).  This morning was my seventh weigh-in and as of today I have lost 14 pounds.  That is not, "not working."  That is 'slow and steady wins the race.'  I hate 'slow and steady wins the race.'  I like "GO GO GO aaaaaaannnnnnnd DONE!!!" Running... another lesson.  I love me some running.  I feel awesom...