Constant Commentary

I worked overnight Thursday and Friday, and even though I was able to get plenty of sleep, I still used it as an excuse to eat ALL THE CARBS and accomplish nothing all weekend long ;-)  And I am good with that! I just looked at the weather and it looks like this is the week I will finally get back outside and work my way back into running.  I got me some AWESOME Newton's fer cheap at Marden's over the winter and they are ready to hit the pavement! I have such illusions of it being fun and great to be back out running, but I know that it won't be.  I will probably hate every second of it... until the last second when I feel GREAT that I DID IT!

Instead if the "weekly shows nothing selfie, Here is one that actually does show something. And you know what?  I don't even hate it. We've taken a few days off.  Not completely off, but a bit relaxed.  We had some cake for Sean's birthday.  And Sean requested birthday lasagna as well.  Damn my lasagna is good.  I did do some little things to create the illusion of control ...like make a smaller pan of lasagna.  And other than those things over the weekend, I stayed away from sugar. Including that Easter candy that continues to linger around the house. Then yesterday I continued to be "off it" a bit.  I had a busy day and not-gonna-lie, the second I went out the door, I knew I was going to use my business as an excuse to have my favorite McDonald's meal ---even though I easily could have made a better choice.  Verruca (and Ms. PMS) wanted it.... and Colleen gave in.  Then when I got home from work, there were 2 pieces of cake lef...

Weekly coffee selfie... new diningroom location! It was a long day but I made it through.  Lonnie and I both came close to giving in when Sean came home with so, so much candy and was like a crack dealer trying to share it with us.  But we stood strong.   I kept thinking, "Well it's not like I am not going to have sugar at some point, why not on a holiday?"  and wondering if perhaps this torturing myself was just hollowing out a hole in my brain and I am eventually just going to go batshit crazy and EAT ALL THE THINGS to attempt to fill it up.  the funny thing is, at one point Lonnie said, "Just go ahead, pick like 4 pieces and keep it to that." :::insert spoiled voice::: I don't WANT 4 stupid pieces.  I want 104. I couldn't even think of which 4 I would choose, honestly, none of them appealed to me-- which told me that it wasn't really the candy itself that I wanted , it was Veruca (that spoiled little girl!), being told no and throwing a...

As I filled many little fake plastic eggs for my way-too-old-for-this children (one of which is 20), it was not lost on me that perhaps since I know that sugar is poison and really has no place in a healthy lifestyle, that I should not feed copious amounts of it to my kids on holidays.  Particularly since my son definitely has a penchant to overdo.  We recently stopped buying cereal after numerous warnings to him about the 1/4-1/2 cup of sugar we kept catching him adding to it.  I have no illusions that at 14 years old, I am going to convince him to not eat sugar all the time.  But I CAN control what he eats at home with us! As I filled many little fake plastic eggs for my way-too-old-for-this children (one of which is 20), I had SEVERAL moments of weakness.  The first of which was at Target when I was going to get the kids Peeps for their baskets with the sole purpose of my getting to eat some.  The Peeps stayed in the cart for about 3 minutes and then wen...

Normally when I disappear from the blog, that means I have fallen into a bucket of sugar.  But not this time!  I have found that with all the writing I am doing for grad school, my writing itch gets plenty of scratchin'!  I celebrated my 42nd birthday on Saturday and I celebrated it with lots of love from family and friends and some super awesome presents, but NO CAKE or ICE CREAM!  I didn't even want it.  I know that having that stuff will just make me want more and more of it, and I also know that it will make me feel like crap mentally and physically, so I skipped it.  Yes it felt weird.  No I didn't feel like I was missing out.  Instead Lonnie and I spent the afternoon in the kitchen making my FAVORITE spicy chicken Mexican bowls with homemade guac, and because it was my birthday and I am not a masochist, I even had some rice in my bowl.  (ACTUALLY I am reading a great book called 'Paleo Takeout' and I learned that there is cons...

Haha what a terrible pic Just wrapped up day 2 of no sugar!  It feels SO satisfying to be back on track.  We were off the rails hard, and I felt completely out of control.  Last time we did this, Lonnie was completely on board and supportive, but he struggled because he was really doing it as a 'solidarity' type of thing.  On Sunday,  he decided to watch the movie "Fed Up" and then we watched "That Sugar Film" together.  I could never convince him to watch it last time because one of his pet peeves is my love of reading articles and watching movies that result in my wanting to change our entire lives ;-)  The two movies together were more than enough to inspire us to kick the sugar bullshit and start feeling great again! My toughest days are Monday and Tuesday as I am busy busy busy with work, and now grad school stuff now on top of that, but I made it through like a champ with NO EXCUSES!!

Remember when I said that when coming back from vacation it would be hard to get back "on it."  Holy Shit-- has is ever!?? I'm a mess. I can blame that I just started grad school. I can blame that my work schedule has just changed. I can blame... well... it's winter.... it's this... it's that..... blah blah blah None of those excuses are actual things that have prevented me from eating well.  None of them.  What HAS prevented me from eating well.  I don't want to.  I don't feel like it. I don't want to plan.  I don't want o grocery shop I feel gross.  I feel bloaty and fat and my clothes feel tight.  Lonnie has gained weight too, and because he only gains weight in his belly, it shows quickly and makes him feel gross.  We need to get our shit together.  ASAP. How do you get that driven feeling back once it disappears!!??  I don't even want to grocery shop for the "good healthy foods" because well.... probably because part of me kn...

Thinking I will be back to daily this week because I feel like I am faltering a bit.  And while I KNOW and can FEEL that this is PMS related---  It appears knowing is not actually half the battle when you still stuff a pizza into your gob anyway. New gym pants from Lane Bryant The good: Olive Garden dressing--- basically candy. -On Friday I got up and went to the gym all on my own... all alone! And lifted weights like a beast!! -Went to Olive Garden with Jessi yesterday, and while I did have some stuff I shouldn't have, a few risotto rice balls, chicken gnocchi soup, and lots of salad (you know that dressing is terrible for you, right-- it'll full of sugar!! ), I passed on breadsticks, and I stuck to one small bowl of soup-- and I didn't finish it. Oh yeah I had a berry Sangria too ;-)  More sugar, but SO yummy! -I got some AWESOME new gym pants from Lane Bryant. I usually only shop there for bras and undies, I have never really liked the way their clothes fit.  The...

Need to stop this day counting thing soon, it's confusing as hell! NO time yesterday to blog or take my weekly 'useless-does-not-illustrate-anything-at-all iced coffee selfie' ;-)  I actually got called in to work before I even got out of bed!!  I DID manage to hork down leftover chicken with guac from Sunday nights dinner though, so was able to start a crazy day off right!  It felt good to make myself a priority and not just throw everything out the window and eat shitty food because I am overwhelmed and busy. I was on the road all day, and did not have time or inclination to pack a lunch, so when I finally had a second to breath, I ran into a grocery store deep in the woods of Greenville, Maine, picked up a cheese stick, a bag of macadamia nuts (YUM!!!  Hadn't had those in FOREVER!!!), and a yellow pepper and munched my way back to civilization.  Again.... feeling AWESOME that I am not using the hectic-ness of my job as an excuse to derail.  I even stoppe...

Still going string, which I honestly find rather odd.  I think retraining my brain by reminding myself that sugar is the devil is actually working.  "That Sugar Film" is really what drove this change.  And I REALLY want it to stick!  However,  after I first watched 'Supersize Me,'  I couldn't eat McDonald's for 6 months, and obviously that creeped it's way back in, and that is EASY to avoid eating.  Sugar is freaking EVERYWHERE!! The times I falter, or waiver a bit, is when cooking for the family.  For example... Tonight I am making Pot Roast.  And on the side I am making Salt and vinegar potatoes that someone posted a few weeks ago and Lonnie and I have been obsessed with trying...but haven't because they take so freaking long to cook!  My Pot Roast is fucking awesomesauce.  And the most awesome part IS the sauce aka gravy!  Flour is a no-no for me. But nor do I want to use weird low-carb chemically thickeners.  Also... ...