Excuse time is over. There is ALWAYS an excuse to not eat right and exercise and let's get real here, NONE of them hold water. I have gained 50 fucking pounds this year. 50. Fucking. Pounds. That's a lot. Like... a way lot. Cielo's food truck took a Mother's Day shot of Jessi and I the other day and I didn't even want to tag myself in it because I look HORRIBLE!! It's amazing how sometimes I can look in the mirror and convince myself that I don't..... I went shopping over the weekend because none of my clothes fit and it sucked. A lot. Like.... a way lot. I need to look at this is in a different way. I am not taking care of myself. I am living in the moment doing whatever I want, whenever I want. It still feels like a party when Lonnie and I are spending time with each other and party to me = YAHOOOO eat whatever you want. So I need to learn that happy does not equal party! I have 5ks co...
The kids went off with Rick to the cottage on East Grand Lake that we all used to go to every year. I am having "feelings." Hate that shit.... lol! I am happy with my life now and I wouldn't go back for a million dollars, but sometimes it's the small stuff I miss... like the week of preparing for camp and loading up the car until there wasn't one lick of space left. Having in-laws to call and talk to and that call me to ask me stuff all the time too. My air conditioned bedroom ;-) My old running route My sink and faucet.... damn they are the best sink and faucet ever Not having to go upstairs to go to the bathroom The awesome parties that we used to have and that have gone on now without me Anyway... you get the idea. I mean obviously there is the "big stuff" too... like feeling bad that the kids have to live in two houses now and stuff... but it's really the little stuff that hits me now and then like a ton of bricks. Or maybe ...
I have drank... drunken? my last fountain soda. It happened on Friday after weeks of deliberating and then a movie that put me over the edge called 'Hungry for Change" that just added fuel to my fire about the shut I put in my body and the bodies of the people I love. Here is just a snippet of what the movie shed light on... 'Seven side effects of diet soda' . Obviously I have heard all this before, but where this has been on my mind awhile, this time it really got lodged into my brain. Why does this deserve a whole blog post?? Well because a HUGE part of my hesitancy to quit is that I feel like my morning fountain soda is part of who I am! It's my "thing" ....and everyone knows it! Stopping at the store, filling that cup with just the right amount of ice and then bringing my soda to work and drinking it until exactly 10am at break time where I finish it off and refill the cup with water... It's all my thing!! My daily ritual!! So this is...
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