Constant Commentary

5 days.  Which honestly, I can say I am proud of because I accomplished some cool goals! I no longer am a slave to caffeine.  None.  Nada.   I really did 'reset' my brain somehow and am back to focusing on eating only when I am hungry and not mindlessly snacking. My sugar cravings dramatically decreased. I stopped using artificial sweeteners.  I never used to drink water without a shot of one of those little kool-aid guys   My clothes feel more comfortable, so I know I lost a little weight! So why did I quit? BECAUSE IT SUCKED!!!  I was sooooo hungry all the time.  And while I believe feeling that physical hunger is what helped reboot my brain back into recognizing that feeling and not eating if I am not feeling that..... it suuuuucked.  My stomach was growling all the time.  I was also EXHAUSTED.  I had to take a nap EVERY DAY that I was on that diet.  I felt like a total knob yawning in the face of my new co...

Crazy times around here lately with busy kids, changing jobs--and losing who I mistakenly thought was a very close friend, in the process, getting engaged, adding some new pets to the family (more on that later!), having a severely sprained ankle for a month now and am still walking with a limp, and there is just something about changing Seasons that makes me feel "busy." But I finally feel like I can stop and breathe.  I finally feel like I really "have" my new job and it wasn't all just a trick.  A rug that was going to be swept out from underneath me leaving me jobless and thoroughly fucked.  And not in a good way.  I am neurotic.  I know this.  I also finally understand where my neurosis comes from and am hoping this means I can start becoming a teensy bit more confident in who I am.  I would never want to be "fixed" ....I mean how boring would THAT be?  ;-) I feel like I started holding my breath YEARS ago at my job.  I loved the wor...

So.... I somehow let my buddy Karyn talk me into doing this  ----> Dr Oz 2 week Detox   We wanted to stay connected even though I have left my job at EAAA for a new job at CHCS.  And also we are both in need of a good healthy kick in the ass and Karyn decided this was just the way to do it.  I then recruited Jessi into this whole mess because I am evil like that.  OK... not really.  I actually only mentioned it to her and she was ALL OVER IT because she has had a really hard time staying off the gluten... which is very, very bad for her and causes her constant stomach pain, severe acne, and an overall feeling of yuckiness.  So she is going to use this plan as a way to flush her system of gluten and get a fresh start on things. So far so good.  (Granted, its 10:54am and today is day one LOL)  I even horked down the morning smoothie with a half a BANANA (GAG GAG GAG) in it, and I have to admit.... It wasn't actually that bad! I am go...

I had my 40th birthday!!  Yeah buddy!!  There have been past birthday 'milestones' that I was just miserable about, but for some reason, this birthday, this birthday we are "supposed" to be miserable about, I am perfectly content with.  Embracing it actually!!  Happy to have learned lots of shit up til now that I can put into use for however much longer I have on this planet :)  (Hopefully at least another 40 years!) And that 'shit I've learned......' Grace, 'letting shit go', forgiveness, 'not having control over anyone but myself' ....well I am practicing it in SPADES lately and it feels awesome to finally feel in control of myself and not like a hot mess ;-) And there is MORE big news!!  Lonnie asked me to marry him last weekend when he took be away to celebrate my birthday and I SAID YES!!  (Shocker... right?  lol)  I new it was coming at some point, since I did help choose my ring,  but yet somehow I was still surprised ...

Whoa.  I saw this on Pinterest this morning and was all.... "DAMNIT... I've MATURED!???  Who wants to be MATURE!!??"  LOL  ....but alas.  It happened and I didn't even know it. Things at work have been a bit on the rough side lately... this past week in particular, and I have shockingly taken it all in stride.  In fact, during the worst of it, I was able to "check myself before I wrecked myself" ;-)  I also spent a lot more time thinking about the fact that other people have their own shit... and not everything is about me... and guess what!?  I CAN'T CONTROL EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE!!!  I have been working on mastering this since the divorce, and honestly.  I think I am there!  I CAN'T control anyone but me.  And that's GREAT because it means that I also am not responsible for every bad thing that happens in the universe ;-) I have decided to ride this maturity wave like a champ.  I turn 40 this year and I am totally...

We have been going back-and-forth about this one for MONTHS now!  A couple weeks ago we even were in contact with a Golden Retriever breeder and were going to go that weekend to pick up a pup.  ....But the breeder was a little weird and over-eager and frankly kind of obnoxious, so I got cold feet and we decided to wait until spring.  Another reason I got cold feet was that once I had made the decision to pull the trigger and get a puppy.  I immediately was like... "Whoa.... this is my last day of freedom.  Do I really want to walk a dog in 3 feet of snow?  In the Rain?  In 1 degree?"  So for about two weeks I was in nope-I-don't-want-a-dog mode.  And now that has worn off again and I am once again suffering from puppy fever. So since blogging has helped me in the past to cut through my cluttered mind.... here we go! Reasons I want a dog: I want a dog to walk/run with me. Having a dog that I 'have to walk' is motivating to get me off...

Feeling like a slug.  I haven't even gone to the gym at all this week. Maine is just so gross this time of year.  All I want to do is snuggle and be cozy and sleepy.  I believe there are those that call it "SAD: seasonal affective disorder" ....but I put that in the same category with my RLS.  Except even less so since while I am NOT doing so.... there are plenty of things I COULD be doing to make the blues disappear... like take care of myself and NOT spend the afternoon on the couch eating doritos (Which I totally justified by "putting them in a bowl" and not eating out of the bag.) while watching 36 episodes of 'Say Yes to the Dress' and 'Something Borrowed, Something New. ' I am actually not beating myself up about it though, which is a change.  I know I am in a little rut... and I know that it will pass.  I can actually already feel it passing since last night I was drawn to lots of healthy recipes on Pinterest that I can't wait to ...