Constant Commentary

.... it's just easier to make pretty and post updates. https://chasingsnowplows.com/

I was warned. Before my 4-day intensive residency program for my MSW program, my friend and co-worker, Emily, told me that it would get me all fired up and excited about social work.  I rolled my eyes and assured her that it would be painful and the longest 4 days of my life.  Emily is just good people. One of those positive, 'rah-rah- GO TEAM!!' people that we all wish we could be instead of the snarky, eye-rolling bitches that we mostly are. And by we, I obviously mean me ;-)  So Emily telling me that I was going to love it, really didn't hold a lot of water. Sorry, Emily.  lol Well damnit, she was right. Every class for those 4 days left me feeling like I need to DO SOMETHING!!  MAKE A CHANGE!! Opening day we had speakers talking about the importance of social work on the macro-level.  BIG CHANGES.... LAW changes.... POLICY changes... FIGHTING FOR CIVIL RIGHTS CHANGES!  I barely waited until the break before texting Jessi to tell her that I be...

Bellagio fountain about to explode!  One of a zillion free things to do in Vegas! This trip almost didn't happen for us.  We had some dooooozy car repair bills and actually looked into cancelling, but it was non-refundable-- and we already had our flight tickets to Dallas for my school program, so we needed somewhere to stay anyway.  We figured there was plenty of free stuff to see, even the hotels themselves are attractions.  So if all we could afford to do was walk around, and sit in our hotel and stare at each other (lol), we'd still be on VACATION!  We booked a cheap on Expedia at Excalibur, which included a flight on Spirit Air.  At the time, we didn't know about Spirit Air and their trick, tricky ways.   They even charge you for your carry on bags! So, sometimes Spirit LOOKS cheaper, but once you factor in bag costs, it’s possibly way more! In this case it was still way less as long as we kept it to one carry-on and a ‘personal item’ for e...

Lonnie and I are in the midst of a weird trip.  I have to be in Dallas from August 18 thru 22nd to attend 4 day residency for school, so OF COURSE we decided to make a vacation out of it! Plan A: fly in to Dallas on the 13th and rent a car to drive down to Austin for a few days, then drive back to Dallas for my residency.  This plan was vacation/recon for our move in a few years; to see if Austin was a place we might like to live. This plan kind of got scrapped when Jessi moved to Richmond because now we want to stay on the east coast  (well…. We did at the time.  More on that later). When we decided we didn’t need to check out Austin for recon, we began researching other options and learned that Vegas and New Orleans would be cheaper to fly to add stay at than even just the car rental to Austin!  After  couple weeks of weighing the options  we booked Vegas. • It’s August and Dry heat>wet heat (also we figured, correctly, Vegas would be mor...

So dusty.....  Time to clean it up and face reality.  Today I read a post on Emily Nolan's blog about her decision to lose weight.  This decision is huge because she is a large part of the 'body-acceptance-love-the-skin-you're-in' movement.  I don't know her entire life history or anything, but I think she is a plus-sized model.  (Ok... maybe my mind just has her grouped in with Ashley Graham, Danika Brysha and assume she is also a model? ...but I DO know that she was doing something with Lululemon at some point, so I think I am right. ---hey...there is no research team here at Constant Commentary!)   The backlash on these 'not size 0' ladies when they lose weight is absolutely disgusting , but.... I get it.  I would never SAY the horrible things that I see people say on their insta-blog-tweet-fbs, but I get it. As I read her post today, I was annoyed at her talking about her focus on the numbers on the scale and at the same time trying to sa...

Some snaps from the 21-day challenge that I just SLAYED AND TOOK NO PRISONERS!!! On June 27th I went to the doctor because I was a sicky-sicky and concerned about possible Lyme disease.  Not only was the number on the scale was no bueno, but I also had high blood pressure, which has never been an issue for me (except when I was pregnant).  She suspected that the HBP was due to illness, but said, "Well when we make your appointment for your yearly physical, we will want to check that again and possibly need to start treating it."  We all know what that means. Drugs.  No, thank you. I had already been exercising, and trying (<--note the word trying) to eat right, but I left at appointment feeling the need to kick things into gear and get into shape.  Part of my daily motivation was the August 25th appointment for a physical.  I daydream about going in and having a much better scale number and a normal blood pressure.  I daydream about the doctor...

Today marks 1 month since Jessi flew the coop.  Not-gonna-lie, that first week was ROUGH!  There was a lot of crying, sulking, pouting, moping.....  you get the idea.  Since then, I have been ok, we text every day, and she is still including me in knowing stuff about her life.  Less stuff.  But stuff.  This is what she needed, to get away from my influence, Maine, and whatever else, and to have a chance to figure out what she wants and who she is with no distractions.  So... during the day.  I am fine.  Yes, there are some songs that come on the radio or things I see that bring on that sting in the eyes.... but I recover quickly ;-)  Being focused on house stuff, weekend adventures, and fitness, has been a huge help to avoid emotional eating or wallowing in my own self-pity. The last goodbye tackle During the day. It's the weirdo nighttime shit that is disconcerting . A few nights a week I have Jessi dreams where I am cr...

My traditional post-run "collapsed on the stairs at the end" selfie (and my Ennelle Sports bra--if ya gots the big boobies like me, this bra will be your bff! It locks the girls down like there is a riot in cell block 8!) Listen.  I have started, stopped, finished, and quit C25k roughly 67 times over the past several years.  I now consider myself an expert. My biggest success in this program has been when I combine it with leg strength stuff on non-run days.  Right now I am doing t25 (and sometimes Jillian for variety), and my legs are STRONG!  Strong legs= easier running!! If you can't complete all the run segments, do it again next time, don't try and move on.  Except maybe that stupid, random 20 minute run in week 5.  Fuck that guy. It doesn't matter if you take longer to finish the program than the 8 weeks.  And that 8 week thing is kinda bullshit anyway because by the end of week 6, it's just warm-up/ruuuuuuuuuunnnnnn/cool-down, ...

I know people hate this shit and :::::GAG:::::: But why?  I mean...  I don't hate it when other people do it.  ....to a point.  Anyway.... this is my blog and I don't care.  And YOU KNOW WHAT!!!???  Maybe if we all focused in on love and appreciation and shit, this world wouldn't be going to hell in a handbasket.  So... if you are reading this... I challenge you to put some love and appreciation out into the world today!! I felt compelled to write this blog after glanced over at my husband in the kitchen julienning green apples, fennel, red cabbage, and carrots to make himself a fennel slaw to add to his lunches for the week.  He had a similar slaw a Duckfat a few years ago and made it his mission to replicate it and make it part of his life :-) This is after a morning of hard-core housework including dismantling furniture, massive cleaning, and trips to the dump.  Jessi's move, and Sean's move to her room, has left us doing some SERIOUS...

The goal of these Facebook challenges is to have bettered yourself in some way by the end of the 21 days.  It's also based on the theory that it takes 21 days to make a habit.  Every day you get 1 point for an exercise photo and 1 point for a healthy eating photo, and every point is an entry for a drawing and a t-shirt.  I won a t-shirt last month!! WINNING!! Last week was a break from the challenges for the holiday, but it wasn't a break for me!  Lonnie has finally jumped on board with me and we kissed sugar goodbye last Sunday.  Honestly, for some reason it hasn't even been that hard.  And it is AMAZING the changes that happen so quickly when junk food and sugar aren't in my system... I feel thinner and lighter within a couple days.   My mental clarity and focus improve right away.  Which was AWESOME because it allowed me to get COMPLETELY caught up in my coursework. Having that hanging over my head was really bothering me. I actua...

As I watch the second of our 2 cars being hauled off by a tow truck--both this morning, I thought myself, "WELL FUCK JULY SO FAR!"  Then I remembered my mom saying in an email the other day, "Blog, girl, blog.  It's cheaper than psychotherapy " So... July started with my baby moving 12 hours away, and not-at-all in the way we had planned.  The plan was to load her and her friend up in a moving truck, and wave goodbye as they drove off into the horizon.  Then her friend decided she couldn't go for 2 more weeks, which threw Jessi (and the rest of us) in turmoil over whether or not to go or wait.  From a place of strength and determination, and despite being terrified,  Jessi decided just to go on her own.  ....which was great except we had to figure out how to get her, and at least SOME of her stuff there. After lots of discussion, we ended up buying her a plane ticket from Boston.  We would drive her down, stay one night down there with her, pu...

So I finished another 3 week challenge.  I did not finish very strong, kinda let the ole PMS derail things.  I also have been under-the-weather the past few days with either the flu or lyme disease. Fantastic. ANYWAY.... I am still off soda.  I don't even miss it anymore. I am am loving water! I am starting to actually enjoy exercise again... (well except for the past couple days) BUT.... I went to the doctor today (see above), and got weighed.  It was bad. Really bad. Makes me feel like all these great changes have been for nothing and that sucks.  It's not like I don't know why though.  I have been eating a lot of shit.  That dam convenience store down the road is the bane of my existence.  Especially since I am Mrs. Eatsmyfeelings and I am having a lot of feelings to eat lately! My plan.  Give myself a break until Jessi heads to Richmond at the end of the week, then it's FUCKING ON!  NO more convenience store. Continuing...

Today is day 21 of my 21-day challenge. I consider it a resounding success even though I did not "GO HARD AND CLEAN" every day.  I have made serious progress towards fitness. I haven't had soda in over three weeks and I DO NOT MISS it anymore! I am making exercise a priority more often than not. Day One of t25, I thought I was going to die.  Today.... I felt sweaty, and hot, and it was hard, but NO DYING!! I have more energy I am making small good food choices all day long rather than being "all or nothing."  This is huge for me.  If I have something "bad,"  it's fine, it's called LIVING.  I just have something good next time I am hungry.  No more... "Well I ate that cookie, so THIS DAY/WEEK/MONTH is blown, may as well eat ALL THE THINGS!" I am drinking WATER.  Like.... ON PURPOSE!!  And I don't hate it! Since I did so well with this challenge, even though I often half-assed it and did not give it my all.  I have joi...

Roadrunner back in action Today I cried in my staff meeting.  Like a moron.  One of my coworkers talked about her daughter turning 18 and their great relationship and how she knows she will move out soon, but since they are so close she will see her all the time. All I could think about was Jessi's impending departure.  I've actually been cool with it lately and thought I was over the hump.  I guess that's not a thing.  Typing this now I realize I am totally full of shit.  Just last night we were looking at upcoming movie trailers and I was deep breathing and fighting tears because Lonnie, Jessi, and I watch EVERY horror movie that comes out... even the dumb ones like Unfriended.  (OMG so... so.... bad) Once I got home, I continued to feel "on the verge," then Sean and his shenanigans pissed me off and my brain just frantically racing that it needed something, Lonnie to come home? a glass of wine? candy? A cry myself to sleep then nap?...

Well "does it" may be stretching it.  I just started yesterday. One of my coworkers, Cathy,  became a beachbody coach and started this little facebook group/challenge and I was like. "HELL YEAH I AM IN!"  (ok, I was more like, "oooh wouldn't it be great if I actually followed through with this, but we all know I probably won't") I work noon to midnight on Mondays and Tuesdays.  I actually chose that shift on purpose with the daydream of "Oooh... I'll get up and exercise before work, and get stuff done, and it will just be sunshine and roses every day!!!"  Day 1 I laid in bed and have convinced myself to exercise later... tomorrow... Then a got a notification on my phone.  Cathy had posted a picture of herself having just worked out.  Oh HELL NO!!  If she is up and working out, I have NO excuse!!!  So I did it.  And it sucked.  a LOT.  I did t25 and it was ROUGH.  It showed me that I REALLY need to embrace this challe...

1. The road to Quebec is very long.  And boring.  Lots and lots of trees.......... A waterfall somewhere between here and Canada 2. I thought going through the border gate would be busy... like a line of cars waiting for their turn.  It wasn't.  It was just us both ways.  In fact fir most of the journey it seemed like we were the only people in the world. 3. We only saw 1 moose.  And Sean saw a fox. 4. While we were told that Justin Bieber was staying at our hotel, we had zero Biebs sightings.  And trust me, we tried. 5.  When you travel to Mexico a lot, other places seem very expensive. Quebec was no exception to this. Anyone want to buy a kidney?  I have a spare. 6. Day 3 of family trips is "everyone is getting on everyone else's last nerve" day, no matter whether the trip is 3 days or 7. 7.  Justin Bieber puts on a damn good show.  ...but he seems a little sad to me.  And that makes me sad for him :( ...which makes...

OMG This photo is laughably terrible, but it's me and I accept that.  (Although you would THINK Lonnie could have told me to pull my shirt down...lol  Actually... no, he would never suggest anything like that, goes completely against his philosophy of nakedness)  It was taken right after finishing Day 1 of the Couch to 5k program.  I wonder how many "day 1s" I of this stupid program I have done? Not gonna lie, it did NOT go well.  I was able to do with without walking at all, but in the past I have started day 1 and then skipped up a couple weeks because it was so easy.  It was not so easy for either Lonnie, or me.  BUT I felt awesome afterwards and am glad to be back out there.  I really think having this to focus on will help with the wide array of emotions going on around here!!  I still can't believe my kid is moving 12 hours away.  To be honest... I still DON'T entirely believe it and am still in "I'll believe it when I see it"...

Lesson:  When a good part of your life revolves around talking about where you are going to move away to someday, there are people listening.  People that are at points in THEIR lives where they can take action instead of just talk-talk-talking about it. Richmond, VA- The city that is stealing my child It's no secret that I had a hard time when Jessi went off to college.  But now she is REALLY LEAVING!  Like, '12 hours away' leaving.  Like, 'have to fly there' leaving.  Like, 'requires several days off' to visit leaving. I am NOT handling it well.  At all. Friday I spent the day crying.  All. Day.  (It didn't help that I also binge-watched the Kid's Baking Championship and when those little kidlets get crying.... damn... that show is ROUGH!)  Then I drank some Rum.  OK, more than some. Saturday I got pissed off and spent the day angry. "Who the hell does she think she is!!?"  "She just texted me wanting me to bring...

If nothing ever changed, there'd be no butterflies.  ~Author Unknown Fuck change and fuck butterflies.

While I don't plan to count the days like I did last time.  Today is day 4.  It's been tough to get back into it.  Sugar does NOT fuck around.  It knows how to find you in your weakest moments and just whisper sweet nothings in your ear. I am still shocked that I didn't give in to my sweet devil on Tuesday.  I had a long, crazy shift, with no time to eat.  When I finished up with what I hoped would be my last client at 9pm, I dreaded going home and having to prepare something for supper.  I{ was STARVING, to the point of being shaky and irrational.  So I used a lifeline.  I called Lonnie and talked to him on the phone because I knew if  I was talking to him when I passed McDonald's, I wouldn't pull in.  It WORKED!  Not only did it work, but I felt empowered enough to take the time to stop at the grocery store and pick up some salad stuff.  ( I LOVE salad!!! ---no sarcasm!  I LOVE IT!) When I got home, I was all ...

This week's "selfie" that actually DOES illustrate something!     Plan:   Hop out of bed at 9am and go for a nice brisk hour-long walk with Luna Reality: Wake up at 9...ish.  Lay in bed until 10 frigging around with my tablet and waffling back-and-forth about whether or not to walk. "If I go at 930, I still have time to walk and get back to get ready for work at noon." "I could just start tomorrow."   "Even if I go at 10, I still have time."   "If I went at 10:30, I could still get in a half-hour walk.  Maybe I should start there anyway since I am so out-of-shape?" Sean no likey the selfies ;-) Then I thought about the last line of yesterday's blog.  "50 pounds to go!"  I don't want next Sunday's blog to still say, "50 pounds to go!"  So I JUMPED out of bed before I could change my mind again. THIS is why I blog. I was GREATLY rewarded for not being a lazy fat-ass.  Sean is on s...

We have an exciting new trip on the very distant horizon.  We are all super excited about it!!  And then..... WA WA WAAAAA I start researching our little mini-trip adventures and one of the ones that I am most excited about has a weight limit.  And I am 50 pounds over.  That is a lot of weight to lose.  FORTUNATELY, I have eleven months to do it.  UNFORTUNATELY, based on past experience, I lack confidence that I can do this. I took the weekend to wallow in self-pity.  Then we went for a walk in the city forest, and I realized just how out-of-shape I am, and so then I wallowed in self-pity some more.  Not quite done with the wallowing, but tomorrow I plan to SPRING out of bed and get a good walk in before work.  Putting couch25k on the back-burner for now and am just going to walk walk walk walk walk walk........ 50 pounds to go......