Constant Commentary

It's common knowledge in our circle that Lonnie and I plan to move far, far away once the kids are grown and moved on to their grown-up lives.  If nothing else, it's been something fun and interesting to research and talk about, and spend time daydreaming about our exotic lives in Thailand, Costa Rica, Australia, India....  you name it, we have talked about it! Some of my favorite "research methods" are reading blogs,  ExPatFocus.com , and watching House Hunters International.  I LOVE watching House Hunters International.  A lot of times it's people who are waaaaaay out of our income bracket who are looking houses and areas where we will never live. But mixed in with the Richie McRicherson's are just regular people who, like us, are looking for an adventure! I think this adventure is so exciting because the options are completely open and endless!  And because Lonnie is up for anything as much as I am... but fortunately he does bring a little reason...

I have been on a journey of self-exploration and attempted improvement since the night last nail was hammered down in the coffin of my marriage. I read that awesome book and learned a lot about myself and worked to make changes, and I have done great with it.  I am grateful for my life and my loves.  I am just not that angry, bitter, cynical person that I once was and that's awesome. But as you may have guessed from this post... I am nowhere near done.  Well... I mean... is ANYONE ever "done"?? There are no "perfect people," and how boring would THAT be!?  Which leads me to what I have recently learned and am working on... Fear.  What does what I just typed have to do with fear, you ask? WELL I'LL TELL YA!  That word up there... "BORING."  See it?  It's one of my biggest fears.  Being "boring."  I like being 'spicy.'  I like saying things that make people go...  and doing things that make people go.... ...

I don't know why this has to be so hard.  When I am 'on it' and taking care of myself, I feel FANTASTIC!  I feel thinner almost immediately (less bloated I would imagine).  I never feel deprived because I always work snacks and treats into my daily calories, and I just plain feel good. The "something" happens.  This past week it was the fact that I had to start getting up an hour earlier to rush and get Jessi to Field Hockey practice.  I think have to rush home from work and take her back to practice (they have double sessions), then I have to pick her up again an hour-and-a-half later.  So what do I feel the need to do in my short hour of waiting to go back and get her??  Well eat a whole bag of Pirate's Booty of course.  Why do I do that???  I think I resent running around like a chicken with my head cut off... plus I am TIRED from getting used to getting up earlier... but why does that have to equal "eat a whole bag of something"??????? ...

How can summer already be over!?  We had so few hot, sunny days this year.  I think there was one week when we went swimming a few times, other than that, I think we spent more time at the movies on rainy days off.  ....And now it's pretty much over.  Yesterday I dropped Jessi off at 7am to begin what will most likely be her last season of playing field hockey.  :( I had been pushing her to play in college, but she is really not feeling it.  And her current plan (they change a LOT) is to get an apartment with friends in Portland and go to community college down there, so no field hockey fitting into that scenario.  Who knows though... sometimes the plan is USM, sometimes the plan takes her to Nashville..... So... just now I took a quick bathroom break from typing this blog and minimized my screen (I am at work, waaaaaaaay early because I have to drop Jessi off have 7am and have nothing else to do.)  When I came back I looked at my desktop and sa...

Restless Legs Syndrome is one of those fake diseases like Fibromyalgia or Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. But fake or not.... I have it, and have had it as long as I can remember.  I have always fallen asleep kicking my legs.   It has definitely worsened over the years.  When I was younger I just kicked my feet a little as I fell asleep, it didn't annoy me or affect my life in any way.  (Not to say it didn't annoy my now ex-husband) Today... it is much more intrusive. These days my legs will tell me I am tired before my eyes and brain do.  If I am watching a good movie... my legs will start to feel all "wiggly."  It feels like little electrical pulses running up and down them, and I either am compelled to kick my legs, or they kinda just spasm and kick on their own.  It sucks a lot because even if I want to stay up a little longer, I really can't because it drives me... and Lonnie... crazy, and then I get all cranky and irritated.  I hate any limita...

The kids went off with Rick to the cottage on East Grand Lake that we all used to go to every year.  I am having "feelings."  Hate that shit.... lol!  I am happy with my life now and I wouldn't go back for a million dollars, but sometimes it's the small stuff I miss... like the week of preparing for camp and loading up the car until there wasn't one lick of space left.   Having in-laws to call and talk to and that call me to ask me stuff all the time too.   My air conditioned bedroom ;-) My old running route My sink and faucet.... damn they are the best sink and faucet ever Not having to go upstairs to go to the bathroom The awesome parties that we used to have and that have gone on now without me Anyway... you get the idea.  I mean obviously there is the "big stuff" too... like feeling bad that the kids have to live in two houses now and stuff... but it's really the little stuff that hits me now and then like a ton of bricks.  Or maybe ...

I wasted so many years of my life sitting around on my ass hating Maine and ignoring all it had to offer.  I am so thankful that I crawled out of that hole and am finally out enjoying all the things our state has to offer!!  On Lonnie's weekends off, we are out and about fishing, shopping, hiking, beach-combing, and soon CAMPING!!! One Lonnie's weekends on... I spend at least a day not doing a whole lot of anything... but the other two I am finding plenty of stuff to do!!  This weekend I visited my niece and nephew (and of course my brother and sister-in-law ;-) ...and her sister too)... CUTENESS OVERLOAD!!!  Love those babies!!   On Sunday Karyn and I participated in Maine's yearly Lighthouse Challenge.  One day every year the lighthouses are open to tour and visit.  I had never been inside a lighthouse before!  It was a great day!!  I can't wait to take Lonnie and the kids down to Rockland, what a great area ANNNNNDDDD   I SA...