Constant Commentary

I haven't been feeling the whole "eat only when you are hungry and only at the table" thing this week.  ...and honestly, even though I have "pretty much" forced myself to comply... I feel yucky and bloaty and fat.  And actually... as I thought about what "pretty much" meant, and thought about all the times I ate on the couch and ate when I was hungry.  I am kidding myself about the "pretty much" thing.  I am off the rails!!  I even bought a box of cheez its.  I have had literally NO DESIRE to eat cheez its since I started this 'eat whatever you want and whatever you love the most' journey, which acutally shocked me because I thought they were my FAVORITE!!  Turns out... they are just something that I turn to when I am feelingsy and want to zone out and mindlessly snack on the couch in front of the tv.  Other than that time, I don't ever want them. So now I have to figure out WHY.  I was blaming it all on "that time of the...

About a month ago Lonnie and I had a long talk and agreed it would be to part ways …..when it came to exercise.  (gotcha!  lol) While reading “the books,” I obviously did a LOT of reflecting on my thoughts and behaviors.  One of the things I thought a lot about was exercise.  I used to do it.  A Lot.  I loved to go for a run and my body showed it!  Why was I so motivated then?  Why am I so NOT motivated now? One of the conclusions that I came to was that while Lonnie and I are really supportive of each other in trying to life healthy lives, we are also really good at sabotaging each other at the same time.  We like different types of exercise.  We like to exercise at different times.  But we felt like we were a TEAM …and teams stick together! I can’t even COUNT the times when I felt like going for a run, or a walk, but he was at work, so I decided to wait for him to come with me (TEAM!), and then it didn’t happen. ...

It's been probably a couple months since I began what I have now learned is called "intuitive eating."  So much has just become second nature and I still stop sometimes and stun myself thinking about how I "used to be." I have been sick with a nasty, nasty cold for about a week now, and many days my appetitite was just non-existent.  This will probably sound weird to you, but that has never happened.  In the past when I have been sick, I would spend the day on the couch snacking and vegging and watching tv.  I can clearly see now that I was eating to make myself feel better, and just would keep snacking because... 1. While snacking, the food tastes yummy and that DOES take my mind off the cold, i.e. "Makes me feel better."  2.  Once the snack is gone, I am reminded how crappy I feel... So... Have another snack, but a different one this time because now I need something sweet... Or salty... Or creamy... Because as we all know... Or in my case anyway, ju...

Google made this little slideshow for me and it popped up on my phone yesterday and I just thought it was too neat and a great representation of 2013 :) 2013 was a great year.  Lots of changes and I feel like my little family is growing up... fast!  I learned a lot about myself and who I am and who I want to be.... and am working to make those two be the same person ;-) 2014 I expect more of the same. Some of my goals for the year.... I will keep on working on my healing my body and my soul from all the years of damage and neglect.   I will be on my little Sean and his schooling like white on rice.  Look out, kid... Mommy is on a mission!!! I will try not to end up in the psych ward when Jessi graduates high school in June and then goes off to college in August. I will use my twitter as a 'gratitude and celebration journal.'  I like twitter and visit it daily... I have just never been sure how I wanted to use it. I will continue this blog, and blog...

From this article....   http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-11973/20-things-to-let-go-of-before-the-new-year.html Here are 20 things to let go of in order to reach unlimited happiness. 1. Let go of all thoughts that don't make you feel empowered and strong. For me it's self-doubt at work (this one is already almost gone).  Worry that I am not being the mom that Sean needs. (The kid is a handful fo SHO!)   2. Let go of feeling guilty for doing what you truly want to do. I don't think I am ready for this one yet.  Or ready to do the things I truly want to do. I am a mom, and that is my job right now.  So sure... there are lots of things I truly want to do, but most conflict with the whole Mom thing. 3. Let go of the fear of the unknown; take one small step and watch the path reveal itself. I don't think I am plagued by this one.  I am more likely to just JUMP in and worry about the consequences later. 4. Let go of regrets; at one point in your l...

My friend Mindy posted a status on Christmas that just screamed "YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!" to me... " I've found that Christmas with teenagers is a bit different. Not bad different, just different. They will probably sleep in tomorrow instead of getting up at 5am. They are downstairs stuffing our stockings, and did their own Christmas shopping this year. Parts of me miss that giddy excitement of childhood, but the young adults they've become is truly amazing!" So...my jeans felt a teensy bit tighter this morning.  This does not shock me.  The holidays are a freaking roller coaster of emotions since beginning this phase of my life.  I feel elated one minute, quiet and content the next, and sobbing about 'what was' ten minutes later.  I HATE feeling sad over the holidays because I have SO MUCH to be grateful for that I feel like I have no right to feel that way.  So then I feel guilty for feeling sad, and then it's just a big ole mess ;-) I defini...

When I don't blog for awhile... it usually means I have fallen off the wagon.  But since I started this whole "Hunger Directed Eating" thing... there is no wagon to fall from.  No wagon.  None.  I feel like a giant weight has been lifted from my soul.  I realize that sounds incredibly dramatic.... but this IS incredibly dramatic. I have actually FORGOTTEN about my favorite foods that was were in the fridge.  The leftover potato salad (my FAVORITE!) is NOT sitting in the fridge there CALLING, no... SCREAMING, my name... while I fight with all my might to ignore the screams ...until I can fight no more and go have one more bowl full... even though I am not in the least bit physiologically hungry.  That potato salad now sits there quietly, waiting for me, and I will only eat it if I am hungry AND want that more than anything else. I am not worrying that someone else will eat it and it will be gone... or it will go bad and I won't be able to eat it...