Constant Commentary

Google made this little slideshow for me and it popped up on my phone yesterday and I just thought it was too neat and a great representation of 2013 :) 2013 was a great year.  Lots of changes and I feel like my little family is growing up... fast!  I learned a lot about myself and who I am and who I want to be.... and am working to make those two be the same person ;-) 2014 I expect more of the same. Some of my goals for the year.... I will keep on working on my healing my body and my soul from all the years of damage and neglect.   I will be on my little Sean and his schooling like white on rice.  Look out, kid... Mommy is on a mission!!! I will try not to end up in the psych ward when Jessi graduates high school in June and then goes off to college in August. I will use my twitter as a 'gratitude and celebration journal.'  I like twitter and visit it daily... I have just never been sure how I wanted to use it. I will continue this blog, and blog...

From this article....   http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-11973/20-things-to-let-go-of-before-the-new-year.html Here are 20 things to let go of in order to reach unlimited happiness. 1. Let go of all thoughts that don't make you feel empowered and strong. For me it's self-doubt at work (this one is already almost gone).  Worry that I am not being the mom that Sean needs. (The kid is a handful fo SHO!)   2. Let go of feeling guilty for doing what you truly want to do. I don't think I am ready for this one yet.  Or ready to do the things I truly want to do. I am a mom, and that is my job right now.  So sure... there are lots of things I truly want to do, but most conflict with the whole Mom thing. 3. Let go of the fear of the unknown; take one small step and watch the path reveal itself. I don't think I am plagued by this one.  I am more likely to just JUMP in and worry about the consequences later. 4. Let go of regrets; at one point in your l...

My friend Mindy posted a status on Christmas that just screamed "YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!" to me... " I've found that Christmas with teenagers is a bit different. Not bad different, just different. They will probably sleep in tomorrow instead of getting up at 5am. They are downstairs stuffing our stockings, and did their own Christmas shopping this year. Parts of me miss that giddy excitement of childhood, but the young adults they've become is truly amazing!" So...my jeans felt a teensy bit tighter this morning.  This does not shock me.  The holidays are a freaking roller coaster of emotions since beginning this phase of my life.  I feel elated one minute, quiet and content the next, and sobbing about 'what was' ten minutes later.  I HATE feeling sad over the holidays because I have SO MUCH to be grateful for that I feel like I have no right to feel that way.  So then I feel guilty for feeling sad, and then it's just a big ole mess ;-) I defini...

When I don't blog for awhile... it usually means I have fallen off the wagon.  But since I started this whole "Hunger Directed Eating" thing... there is no wagon to fall from.  No wagon.  None.  I feel like a giant weight has been lifted from my soul.  I realize that sounds incredibly dramatic.... but this IS incredibly dramatic. I have actually FORGOTTEN about my favorite foods that was were in the fridge.  The leftover potato salad (my FAVORITE!) is NOT sitting in the fridge there CALLING, no... SCREAMING, my name... while I fight with all my might to ignore the screams ...until I can fight no more and go have one more bowl full... even though I am not in the least bit physiologically hungry.  That potato salad now sits there quietly, waiting for me, and I will only eat it if I am hungry AND want that more than anything else. I am not worrying that someone else will eat it and it will be gone... or it will go bad and I won't be able to eat it...

Eat when you are hungry and stop when you are full.  WHO KNEW!!!!???  It sounds SO DUMB that I DIDN'T trust my own body to let me know when it needed food and when it needed something else. Today a co-worker who had been on vacation since the week before Thanksgiving came back today and said "Wow!  Are you losing weight?  I can really see it in your face."  Yeah BUUUUUDDY!!! I feel slimmer, and I feel better about myself.  I have NO CLUE "how much" weight I have lost and I don't care to know.  I refuse to ever again let a tiny little electric box tell me how I should feel about myself.  I can't even TELL you how many times I was feeling AWESOME about a diet, only to step on the scale, see the number had not changed-- or worse, had gone UP... and watched every ounce of that AWESOMENESS be immediately sucked out of me... which then led to 'Oh well... this isn't working and there is a box of cheez its and a pint of Ben and Jerry's out ther...

As we have established... for multiple reasons... I was a trainwreck in life #1.  One of my many big issues was money.  The spending of money.  The not saving of money.  The spending of money that was not there.  The fighting about money.  In case you are not getting it... money was a big problem in my marriage.   The smart solution to that would have been to find a rich dude ;-)  .....but since that didn't happen, I got the next best thing... an organized dude who is slightly more responsible than I am ;-) The biggest thing that I have learned about myself recently, is that I am an AVOIDER.  I always THOUGHT I was a "charge in and take control" kind of girl... holy lack of self-awareness. I hate paying bills, so I avoid them by not even opening them, or looking at them and only paying them when the disconnect notice comes because THAT is the REAL bill when they REALLY want the money (LOL.... but seriously).   I hate "dealing...