Constant Commentary

Google made this little slideshow for me and it popped up on my phone yesterday and I just thought it was too neat and a great representation of 2013 :) 2013 was a great year.  Lots of changes and I feel like my little family is growing up... fast!  I learned a lot about myself and who I am and who I want to be.... and am working to make those two be the same person ;-) 2014 I expect more of the same. Some of my goals for the year.... I will keep on working on my healing my body and my soul from all the years of damage and neglect.   I will be on my little Sean and his schooling like white on rice.  Look out, kid... Mommy is on a mission!!! I will try not to end up in the psych ward when Jessi graduates high school in June and then goes off to college in August. I will use my twitter as a 'gratitude and celebration journal.'  I like twitter and visit it daily... I have just never been sure how I wanted to use it. I will continue this blog, and blog even when I fee

From this article....   http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-11973/20-things-to-let-go-of-before-the-new-year.html Here are 20 things to let go of in order to reach unlimited happiness. 1. Let go of all thoughts that don't make you feel empowered and strong. For me it's self-doubt at work (this one is already almost gone).  Worry that I am not being the mom that Sean needs. (The kid is a handful fo SHO!)   2. Let go of feeling guilty for doing what you truly want to do. I don't think I am ready for this one yet.  Or ready to do the things I truly want to do. I am a mom, and that is my job right now.  So sure... there are lots of things I truly want to do, but most conflict with the whole Mom thing. 3. Let go of the fear of the unknown; take one small step and watch the path reveal itself. I don't think I am plagued by this one.  I am more likely to just JUMP in and worry about the consequences later. 4. Let go of regrets; at one point in your life, that “wh

My friend Mindy posted a status on Christmas that just screamed "YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!" to me... " I've found that Christmas with teenagers is a bit different. Not bad different, just different. They will probably sleep in tomorrow instead of getting up at 5am. They are downstairs stuffing our stockings, and did their own Christmas shopping this year. Parts of me miss that giddy excitement of childhood, but the young adults they've become is truly amazing!" So...my jeans felt a teensy bit tighter this morning.  This does not shock me.  The holidays are a freaking roller coaster of emotions since beginning this phase of my life.  I feel elated one minute, quiet and content the next, and sobbing about 'what was' ten minutes later.  I HATE feeling sad over the holidays because I have SO MUCH to be grateful for that I feel like I have no right to feel that way.  So then I feel guilty for feeling sad, and then it's just a big ole mess ;-) I defini

When I don't blog for awhile... it usually means I have fallen off the wagon.  But since I started this whole "Hunger Directed Eating" thing... there is no wagon to fall from.  No wagon.  None.  I feel like a giant weight has been lifted from my soul.  I realize that sounds incredibly dramatic.... but this IS incredibly dramatic. I have actually FORGOTTEN about my favorite foods that was were in the fridge.  The leftover potato salad (my FAVORITE!) is NOT sitting in the fridge there CALLING, no... SCREAMING, my name... while I fight with all my might to ignore the screams ...until I can fight no more and go have one more bowl full... even though I am not in the least bit physiologically hungry.  That potato salad now sits there quietly, waiting for me, and I will only eat it if I am hungry AND want that more than anything else. I am not worrying that someone else will eat it and it will be gone... or it will go bad and I won't be able to eat it as I have in th

Eat when you are hungry and stop when you are full.  WHO KNEW!!!!???  It sounds SO DUMB that I DIDN'T trust my own body to let me know when it needed food and when it needed something else. Today a co-worker who had been on vacation since the week before Thanksgiving came back today and said "Wow!  Are you losing weight?  I can really see it in your face."  Yeah BUUUUUDDY!!! I feel slimmer, and I feel better about myself.  I have NO CLUE "how much" weight I have lost and I don't care to know.  I refuse to ever again let a tiny little electric box tell me how I should feel about myself.  I can't even TELL you how many times I was feeling AWESOME about a diet, only to step on the scale, see the number had not changed-- or worse, had gone UP... and watched every ounce of that AWESOMENESS be immediately sucked out of me... which then led to 'Oh well... this isn't working and there is a box of cheez its and a pint of Ben and Jerry's out ther

As we have established... for multiple reasons... I was a trainwreck in life #1.  One of my many big issues was money.  The spending of money.  The not saving of money.  The spending of money that was not there.  The fighting about money.  In case you are not getting it... money was a big problem in my marriage.   The smart solution to that would have been to find a rich dude ;-)  .....but since that didn't happen, I got the next best thing... an organized dude who is slightly more responsible than I am ;-) The biggest thing that I have learned about myself recently, is that I am an AVOIDER.  I always THOUGHT I was a "charge in and take control" kind of girl... holy lack of self-awareness. I hate paying bills, so I avoid them by not even opening them, or looking at them and only paying them when the disconnect notice comes because THAT is the REAL bill when they REALLY want the money (LOL.... but seriously).   I hate "dealing with things" like car re

We made it through day 2!  It actually didn't seem so bad, until a couple hours later when the soreness really started kicking in.  Ow my achin' ASS!  LOL  Feels SOOOOOO good to be sore though, I missed that feeling of being aware of my whole body because I am actually USING it! My thoughts so far on T25... Love the workout, and love that I can grow with it by starting out with the low impact version and working up HATE the ads before and after pushing their stupid protein/fitness shakes.  Beachbody is such a racket. It's not technically 25 minutes a day, 5 days a week.  There is a 3 minute stretch/cooldown after each 25 minute workout AND on day 5 they recommend doing TWO sessions.  Obviously you don't HAVE to, there are no Beachbody Police (are there??) but if you want to be "on the program,"  then you do have to. The diet that comes with it is a joke.  Of COURSE people will lose weight on it... they are starving to death.  No thank you. R

There is no turkey in this house today.  When I first learned that we would not be able to have a big thanksgiving dinner, and that it was just going to be Lonnie and I, I was sad and maybe a tear or two were shed.  You may be shocked to learn that divorce isn't all fun and games ;-) Once I resigned myself to the fact that things would be different this year, I decided to EMBRACE IT!! Lonnie and I started the day by starting the T25 program (not the diet, just the workout)..  And based on a blog that I enjoy reading , I made sure to stick to the low impact version and i did NOT "GO HARD" because I want to create a habit, not an injury or a torturous experience that I will quit. We are also making a Prime Rib Roast today.  I LOVE PRIME RIB and I haven't had it in probably ten years.  It's one of those things that is scary to make at home and ruin.  But we found this article from 'The Food Lab' and we are going for it!! One Saturday the family is a

Lonnie is old school.  Lonnie is an introvert.  Lonnie would be perfectly happy living "off the grid" if he could find a way to still use his xbox ;-)  Lonnie has a facebook, and an instagram, and e-mail... but he rarely looks at it and even more rarely actually uses it (unless he is writing about his outdoors stuff, which he loves).  Actually, he is just this side of hating social media.  But, as with many things... he knows that I love it, so he plays along.  Like I do when we go camping ;-) We took a much-needed getaway this past weekend and at one point I mentioned that I would love if he snapped a pic now and then with his phone, because other than selfies (which as we all know are NOT a real representation of what we really look like), sometimes I feel as though I don't exist.  And he thought that was very silly and snapped a pic of me with a towel on my head to post on instagram with a hashtag that said, #mygirlfriendsaysitdidnthappenifitsnotontheinternet.  We l

On May 6th, 2012, I went to Freeport with Dyan, Jody, and Nicole.  We went to The Gap.  For the first time in my life, I was able to try on stuff with everyone and really be a part of the whole experience.  It felt surreal and weird and like I was having an out-of-body experience.  Then I tried on a size xl shirt that I loved and it was way too big.  I went and got a "L" and put it on.  I about lost my shit in that changing room.  I have NEVER been an "L" ....what the hell was happening!?  I have always had at least one "X"!  Who is this "L" girl???  What is she like?  Does she have to only eat carrots and chat about running and fitness?  Can she still be goofy and silly and eat cake whenever she wants?  Does she always have to "dress up" because she has a nicer body that she should 'show-off'?  Does she have to 'keep going' with losing weight because 'L' isn't small enough and now that there are no Xs....

Reading this book .  It actually has been helpful in two ways... 1. the way it is supposed to be helpful 2. helping me realize that as far as emotional eaters go... I am pretty low on the batshit crazy scale ;-)  (SO many things in this book where I am thinking... 'wow!!  never done THAT!' She talks about multiple experiences where people told her that she was too fat, or unattractive because she was overweight.  Who the hell is this woman and WHY is she surrounding herself with assholes?? I can think of 2 times off the top of my head that someone hurt me by pointing out my weight. 1- The year Rick and I started dating someone told me that some girl that I barely knew said "Well he sure is feeding her well."  I was mortified that people I barely knew were noticing my body and weight gain, and also hurt that a 'friend 2- I vividly remember being at TJ Maxx and looking at tights to buy with my mother and picking up a pair to try and her saying something ab

My baby girl turned 18 years old last Friday.  To celebrate, we took her down to Portland for a weekend of shopping and eating.  It was just a totally awesome weekend of three ADULTS having a blast out on the town!  ZERO fighting... ZERO attitudes... and TOTAL enjoying of each others company! Lonnie has not been out of our locale in around 20 years, so I was a teensy bit worried that he was not going to take to "the city" and the weekend would be tense and awkward because if someone I am travelling with isn't happy... I can't enjoy myself.  Hence reason #156 that Rick and I are a better divorced couple than a married one.  City traveling boy, Rick is not, and that's fine, for some other girl. ;-)  So... needless to say, I went into this trip with more baggage than the suitcase with my stuff in it. BOY WAS I WRONG!  We just had a blast.  Rather than him just "there" waiting for me to shop.  He shops too! He looks at the stuff I show him, wit

I am going to start this post with advice about allrecipes.com, my goto site for all things cooking.  The number of stars is the first thing I check, but if a recipe has 4 or 5 stars and only 10 reviews.... a further looksie must be taken ;-) Once I have checked the star rating and glanced at the recipe itself and the photos.... I think even more important than the recipe itself is to scan through the comments.  There are often glaring themes of changes that people made to the recipe in order to rate as highly as they did.  Case in point... our newest "staple" recipe, Sweet Sticky and Spicy Chicken  (and by staple, I mean we make this weekly and it's noticed if we don't!)  The recipe does not call for the chicken to be dredged in flour before cooking.  A zillion people in the comments mention this and how without this additional step... they may as well take "sticky" out of the title.  It's completely different and soooo much better.  The one even w

First year Last day And a whole lotta pics from in between....