Constant Commentary

Got some inspiration from a friend and co-worker today.  She was on a strict low-carb diet (Not what I do, I eat all whole foods.) for 8 months until just recently when she wasn't feeling well and could only stomach crackers.  She laughed and said that she also used it as an excuse to completely fall off the wagon for the past 2 weeks.  My kind of people!  ;-)  We talked about how much better we feel when watching the carbs and in trying to talk her back into it, got me all fired up about it too! I know it's only day 4, but today, on day 4, I am wearing jeans that were a tad on the painful side a couple weeks ago.  Jeans that I could wear to work, but that I could not WAIT to strip off the second I got home.  I have been wearing them all day today :) Struggles: Got up late and didn't have time to eat before rushing out to my weekly staff meeting.  Got a sugar-free iced coffee at McDonald's.  This was a bad choice because a. We all know Mcdonald's is a trigger for me

Winter Zombie It was a cold and blizzardy day yesterday. Got around 8 inches.... and it snowed too!! I never did make it to the gym.  Then I got called to do an awake overnight shift at the children's crisis unit.  UGH.  I did not bring any snacks with me as I was in a rush to get out the door, I probably couldn't have eaten anyway, overnight shifts when I have to stay awake all night make me sick to my stomach and get raging headaches. I DID make a responsible choice when I got home though and had a protein-filled small breakfast before hitting the sack. As I was only able to sleep til around noon, I skipped the gym again today as I am a bit on the zombie side.  I definitely could have gone.  But I didn't.  I just HATE going out in the cold, trudging through the snow, warming up the car, scraping the car, and then getting back into the freezing car after the gym.  I realize this is a ridiculous excuse. I DID, however, stick to watching the carbs and didn't eat through

Breakfast: Green Beans, chicken, little bits of bacon. YES PLEASE I woke up this morning with a rager of a headache.  I know this headache well.... it's my body screaming, "WHERE THE FUCK IS ALL MY SUGAR!!!!!!??????  I LOVE THAT SHIT!!!!  GIMME GIMME GIMME!!!"  I ALSO woke up this morning feeling physically 'empty' and flatter.  Losing water and bloat, I assume.  I LOVE this feeling.  It feels like success and that screams MUCH louder than the headache! Day 1 was a resounding success!!  I worked a 14 hour shift and felt the pangs of temptation a few times.  It was a looooong, annoying day, as I was assigned to a task that I do not enjoy because the usual person who does it and likes is it on vacation.  The worst part of the day was lunchtime.  It was FREEZING and blustery yesterday, and I dreaded the thought of getting out of the car to go into the grocery store salad bar.  I longed to stay in my warm, cozy car drive through my favorite McDonald's and nosh on

...and I was trying to think of a way to journal through this new endeavor, why not use it!? I'd like a little less belly and little less face please :) Today I am starting yet another diet.   Screw all you "don't diet, change your lifestyle people."  That is totally just something you say when you don't want to admit you are on a diet.  Also... dieting IS changing your lifestyle.  Currently my lifestyle is eating McDonald's and chips and chex mix and well... whatever the hell I feel like eating when I am hungry, bored, tired, stressed, annoyed, upset, or see a commercial for something yummy.  My lifestyle is also mostly sitting and sleeping with brief, occasional spurts of exercise. SO... "changing my lifestyle" means from today until I leave for Mexico on February 5th, I am going to live a different "lifestyle."   I am going to use air-quotes a lot.  I am going to eat only meats and veggies, and some cheese.  I am not going to give up my

He is a highly intelligent version of a little bit of Rain Man mixed with a little bit of Bubba Gump.  He is Dr. Reed from Criminal Minds.  Sometimes it drives me crazy.  Other times.... This morning my ear lobes were a bit sore and crusty from wearing new earrings on Christmas.  I NEVER wear earrings.  So as he noticed me making an 'ew' face while picking at my ears he says, "Do you not wear earrings very much?"  To which I reply, "No... I don't. Do you not have eyes?"  To which he responds, "Oh I have eyes. They are just usually focused on your sparkly eyes.  ..... or your boobs.  Or your sly, mischievous smile.  ....or your other shy, cute smile. You have a lot of smiles, but those are your main ones." ...Well I guess other times it drives me crazy too.  I have lots of different crazies.  :)

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!!  And I say this not to avoid saying MERRY CHRISTMAS, but because Thanksgiving AND Christmas have so far been HAPPY, HAPPY, HAPPY! We have our ghetto-fabulous-little-tacky-tree and we have our perfectly decorated silver and gold tree. There are actually WRAPPED PRESENTS under the tree already!!  My kids can attest to how groundbreaking this is as last minute shopping/wrapping is usually how I roll!  I HATE wrapping presents!  Well, I THOUGHT I hated wrapping presents.  Turns out that I just hate wrapping presents alone with no help!  When Lonnie dove into the pile with me, it was actually FUN!!! I have a pile of projects that I need to get to work on! (I may have bit off more than I can chew in the project department...lol) On Sunday we are making gingerbread houses!  (OK...we are going to attempt to make gingerbread houses...lol) Black Friday was A-W-E-S-O-M-E!!!  Lonnie and I had a great time, got all the deals we wanted, and then when we were starting t

Last week I heard a Dr. Laura call from a woman who was unable to make decisions or choices.  After much discussion it was established that "So you lost your childhood and now you are trying to get it back every day by not making decisions and forcing other's to make decisions for you.  'Child' you didn't feel protected and cared for, and 'adult' you is making up for it by forcing others to care for you.... make decisions for you, basically treat you like the child that you never got to be."  My mind was 3/4s blown, with parallels still running through my mind almost a week later. The FULL BLOW came while Lonnie and I were shopping at BJs (haha!).  I noticed the iced tea drink mix stuff and confessed to Lonnie that as a kid I used to sneak into the kitchen put some of the powder in a cup, make a paste out of it with water, and take it back up to my room and slowly savor revel in the joy of every little spoonful.  My mouth is actually watering as I

Christmas used to be my jam.  I was SOOOOO into it!!  I started pre-gaming for Black Friday the second the leaves started to turn! Then I got divorced and everything changed.  The kids have to go here and there and everywhere and we have to schedule in Christmas.  Rick and I always had a giant rager of Christmas party that I always looked very forward to with all of our friends and that's gone.  We always got up WELL BEFORE DAWN and headed over to his parent's house for presents, food (CRAB DIP!), and fun... then after a nap.... LOBSTAH DINNAH!  ....and for me, that's all gone.  And coincidentally, right around divorce time, the kids got older and less into toys that required me to line up and freeze my ass off with a bunch of other crazy people at midnight. These days they are more into clothes and pricey things, and their presents are divided between here and Rick's house, with the result being the 'under-the-tree- space looking more sparse with a few 'big t

My town on Halloween could be featured on a postcard depicting small town New England.  I live right on Main Street, up on the 2nd floor of a downtown building, so every year I enjoy watching all the kids trick-or-treating from my window.  (....and every year I plan to go down to the street and pass out candy next year, but that is a whole other blog.) This year I got a whole lot more of a show than I paid admission for.  I heard a crash, and then I heard a LOT of screaming profanity... a LOT.  So I ran over to my open window to see what was going on.  Right in front of my window there was a kid in a car who had just rear-ended the car in front of him, getting screamed at by the guy he hit, and by the guy behind him. The screaming guys seemed completely oblivious to the fact that they had dozens and dozens of small children in audience trick-or-treating and gaping at what was happening.  Other than the screaming, the town seemed silent as everyone just watched... frozen.  Mostly be

Instead of blogging, I have been................. working working working!  Things are busy in crisis-land these days!  (and so much of my job is writing, the LAST thing I want to do on my downtime is write some more!) hiking a little --very little-- running getting a kitten (who is right now adorably distracting me by playing with a piece of fuzz) celebrating a kid turning 20! teaching the other kid to cook learning new recipes turning a coffee table into an ottoman--- still a work in progress playing with my camera and Lightroom watching football on TV ...and in real life, GO MAINE! reading dabbling in Scrapbooking  planning our next vacation researching places to live when we move in a few years!  (Right now Pittsburgh, Phoenix, Texas, South Carolina, and Richmond, VA are the top contenders) sleeping til noon (Hey... it's genetic!  I can remember staying with with my Nana and Grampy and waiting... and waiting... and waiting for Nana

Photoshop Style Tattoos Yup.  The title says it all.  I am completely obsessed with tattoos.  It's a good thing they are expensive.  It's also a good thing I have had some limits set by my husband... "I love girls with tattoos, but I would prefer my wife to not look she's part of the Yakuza."  I definitely have a few more before I reach that level ;-) I'm going to visit my mom and brother in Nashville in November and while down there my little bro and I are planning to get some new ink.  WOOO HOOO!! So obsession is cranked into full gear because I can't decide if I want to get something on my other shoulder, upper arm/shoulder cap, OR I am leaning VERY heavily towards turning my roadrunner tattoo into a collage piece.  I LOVE the photoshop style tattoos.   I actually had planned to do it ages ago before I even know there WAS a name to the style. And keepin' it real... as I always do.  I am a LITTLE SCARED of getting something on my arm beca

Boston aquarium and an excuse to show of my man's sexy arm ;-) It happens.  September arrived, and with it a flurry of activity and emotions.  We started our new fall work schedules (a new schedule that  I LOVE, but was a big change nonetheless), Jessi headed back to UMaine, Sean started 8th grade, Mom came for a surprise visit, we went on our long-awaited long weekend to Boston........ etc etc etc..... All were WONDERFUL excuses to not count points and stick to Weight Watchers.  I CAN proudly say that I have continued to exercise!  Yay me! But now I am at a crossroads of sorts.  I am not feeling WW at all.  I have considered going back to low-carb for awhile.  But honestly.... as of this moment.  I am just feeling sticking to exercise and trying to be more mindful about what I stuff in my face and why I am doing said stuffing. Speaking of WHY....  Nicole (bff) and I were talking about all my yearly autumn drama Nicole: Why ARE you such a mess every year at this time? M

Random web pic from https://energytalkradio.wordpress.com/ but it was this bright!  Last night on my way home from work, I saw the coolest falling star I have ever seen.  It was HUGE and super bright sailed across the sky for a LONG time.  It was way cool.  After I ooohed and ahhhhed to myself, I suddenly thought,  "Ooooohhhhh I am supposed to make a wish and this was such a neat star that it has to be a good one!!" .....and for the life of me, I couldn't think of anything I would wish for!! Thoughts that crossed my mind.... Money:  Well yeah more could be fun, but we have to have to work to earn our fun stuff, which makes us appreciate it more!!  And frankly, rich people don't seem all that happy. And also... wishing for more just seems greedy since there are so many that have so little. Skinny!:  Meh.  Sure I want to lose weight, but I am working on it and I don't want a quick fix since I know that the problem is not my body, it's my mind! World

Usually when I have not blogged in a bit, it's because I have fallen off the wagon and just don't want to face that in font.  Today I come back to blogging after a little break still fully entrenched in my weight loss endeavor.  I have even started running again.  Lonnie and I are fast tracking ourselves through Couch to 5k.  We are and doing three run days in a row (which is week in the program), then taking a one day break, then starting another 3 days.  I assume we will hit a road block around week 5 or 6 where we will need to repeat some days, but maybe not!  It's going well, and even though we are in the midst of a stifling heat/humidity wave, I have been able to easily complete the run segments.  This is not to say I am skipping out there with a giant smile on my face though  ;-)    This summer has been a GIANT exercise in self-control and learning to find outlets for my emotions that don't involve snacks.   We had some family drama that sadly had to res

Still plugging along.  Can't say I am loving it.  And honestly, 3/4s of the time I don't feel like I am accomplishing anything at all.  Ok maybe half the time.  It's just happening soooo slowly and I don't feel like I am seeing the results that I should be since I have NEVER gone over my points for the week.  Ever. This is not to say I am working my butt off, because I am not.   I have not really been exercising very much.  Today I tried to jump back on the horse and took Luna for a nice longish walk.  Last week I challenged a friend to daily arm workouts, and I did it the day I initiated the challenge and that's it.  LOL Why don't I exercise?  Well...  here's my list of stupid excuses....  1. I am lazy. 2. It's summer and I would rather go to the beach. 3.  It's fucking hot and even more fucking humid and I hate that shit. 4.  Waiting for Lonnie to get home and then driving to the gym and working out and driving all the way home feels like

My life long enemy. I want it and I want it now and if I can't have it now that I don't fucking want it I want something else instead. Yes, I am a 2 year old pirate in a 41 year old body. I tend to embrace most of my "faults" and don't try to change them because they are part of who I am, and I like me!  But this one... this inability to wait for things... is something that I need to work on if I want to like me EVEN MORE! Weight Watchers has been a HUGE lesson in this.  Many days I feel like it is not working.  This is completely asinine as I have lost weight every week except one (and that one I can blame on hormones!).  This morning was my seventh weigh-in and as of today I have lost 14 pounds.  That is not, "not working."  That is 'slow and steady wins the race.'  I hate 'slow and steady wins the race.'  I like "GO GO GO aaaaaaannnnnnnd DONE!!!" Running... another lesson.  I love me some running.  I feel awesom

Craig's Pond 7/12/15 It's no secret that I am counting the days until I from from Maine.  But sometimes... in the summer, and especially in the fall, I pre-maturely wax nostalgic about this place and it's beauty.   Especially now that I have a partner who loves to be out-and-about with me ad venturing and stuff! Peaks Kenny 7/11/15 Something you may not know..... I am a mermaid.  I could swim all day long, every day, and then go swim some more.  If the Ursula the Sea Witch offered Arielle and I a chance to swap lives,  I'm not sure I could refuse.  What's odd about my being a mermaid, is that while I am completely comfortable, and a strong swimmer even in the deepest of ocean, lake or pool waters, I am not good at it.  When I go to the pool to swim laps, I spend a LOT of time staring at the other lap swimmers with their perfect rhythmic breathing and steady pace and I have no id Playa Del Carmen March 2015 ea how to do this, despite a lifetime

Congratulations on being a judgmental bitch? So... I read this article today "The Massive Fitness Trend That's Not Actually Healthy at All"   (Not exactly the best title ever since it really tells you nothing about what the article is actually going to talk about, but I clicked it anyway) I think I  would have called it, "Bad Ass or Bust."  I related SO HARD to this article.  SO. HARD.  I am CONSTANTLY wanting to "Be a runner."  "Be a Crossfitter."  "Be an MMA fighter." However since those are very intense things to train for, and I am not a very intense person, instead I do nothing.  Or to me what feels like nothing.  There is a part of me that feels like a loser when I just swim, lift weights a little, and do Zumba.  I feel like those things I just listed.... those things that I enjoy, and actually DO.... don't matter.  They don't matter because I don't look or feel like this when I am done.   Um, HELLO!? 

"I will sink it." "Why do you think they put weight limits on those things?" "When I try to get into it, the whole beach is going to watch me fall on my fat ass." "Seriously.... there are weight limits.  Right in the descriptions and probably right on the kayak itself." So.... not only did it NOT sink, but I NEED A DAMN KAYAK OF MY OWN!!  SO great!!!  And so thankful for my bestie who does not listen to my bullshit and makes me do stuff even when I am bring stupid :) So I guess the real question remains.... Why DO they put weight limits on those things!!!???

OK, a lot of people, lol.  Like millions even. 10.6 pounds down!  WOO EFFING HOOOOOO!!!! A couple of our favs right now that are keeping us going strong... Chocolate graham crackers with light cool whip on top and put in the freezer.  I like them better with no top.  I mean isn't everything pretty and yummy better topless?  ;-) Cutting our rice with half cauliflower.  This one is a throwback to our low carb/paleo days.  We used to buy heads of it and food process it, which is kind of a pain in the arse.  But NOW they sell Cauliflower Crumbles in the produce section....  GAME ON! If you are eating rice with anything on top or mixed in, you will not notice! OK... you may notice the smell of the cauliflower, so make sure whatever you are topping it with is aromatic!  Which leads me to.... This recipe has been life changing.  Lonnie and I are completely in love with it and have had a twice a week since we found it.  The only thing we don't add is the sesame oil (becau

Big trips and little trips always get me all in a dither about our several-years-from-now move. Yesterday Lonnie and I took a day trip down to Portland to see 'Jurassic World' at the IMAX and do some grocery shopping at Trader Joes.  All day long there were many mentions of someday actually living in a city with both of those right nearby! We want to live in a city where people are physically active and there is lots to do nearby.  A giant plus that I have noted, is that no matter where we go, finding a job should not be an issue for me. There is no shortage of people requiring mental health services in this country!!   We keep going back to focusing on cities on the Gulf coast because I think we feel like it will be like living on vacation.  So that is where I started my googling adventure on this rainy morning. Florida We think about Florida a lot.  Over the winter, I worked with a personal trainer who had just moved up here from there and he often talked ab